Thanksgiving 2014 was more stuffed than...
The people in this car:
This store:
And this guy at Ryan's steakhouse:
Let's start form the beginning of this escapade. On Tuesday of Thanksgiving week my parents came to town to pick up Jay from the airport. I had been anticipating that day for months!
But imagine our dismay when 'DIS JAY (see what I did there?) took a different bus route that didn't get him to the airport in time, resulting in a missed flight. He immediately found a flight for 2:00 the next day, but mind you this is the O'Hare airport we're talking about. It is notoriously known as one of the busiest airports in the world.
Remember the famous "Run Run, Rudolph" scene from Home Alone? It was filmed there.
Ryan saved the day and offered to pick up Jay at 6:00 PM Wednesday night so that my parents and I could travel home earlier with Emerson. We stopped to see my grandfather at his heart rehab facility on our way out of town. My Dad took a flight (pun intended) of stairs to leave and apparently set off an alarm in the building. The place went on lock down while the staff performed a head count, thinking one of the patients had escaped. Ummmm...how fast can that possibly happen? This is a facility full of the elderly.
Look at him go! He got past security 24 hours ago and is almost two feet down the hallway.
I was outside with Emerson in the car at that point and called my parents several times. "What's taking so long?" "What are you guys doing?"
"The alarm is going off, Katharine! We have to wait!"
And my grandmother is in the background going..."I don't hear anything at all." We chalked that up to her most recently lost hearing aid, but it was actually a SILENT alarm. There's your oxymoron for the day. One of the staff walked by and asked my Dad if he was the "young man" who set it off and if he avoided the elevator because he was claustrophobic.
"NO, I took the stairs, because it was the healthier option!!! Ever heard of that in a heart facility?!?" I'm sure he had that Beethoven look right about then.
And Emerson took after Poppy when we finally got on the road home and came to a complete standstill on I-95. She got OUT of her car seat, twisting and screaming like a banshee.
I think we would have emptied our checking accounts for some peace and quiet in that eternal 45 minute period.
When we made it home to kick off Thanksgiving 2014 our first task was grocery shopping. Don't we all save that for the night before? And as the years go by we never learn. Jay had emailed me a grocery list earlier that day...cilantro, cranberries, parsley...and a plethora of refined foods that sent us on a scavenger hunt through Food Lion.
What's a parsnip anyway?
Apparently, it is very similar to a carrot. We ended up having to stop in two grocery stores in what was a 90 minute trip.
But all was right with the world when our family was reunited at around 8:30 that night.
Thanksgiving Day was full of celebratory calories, and this little dumpling made the day even sweeter.
Jay spent 6 1/2 hours in the kitchen. He is phenomenal. He also gave me a resounding, "NO, " when I asked him if he'd like to run his own restaurant. Thanksgiving and Christmas meals are enough.
Later we played some hilarious games, and Mama started talking about how cold she was. She's always cold. Jay looked across the table at her in her turtleneck, vest, and overcoat with the heater at her feet.
"You do realize that you're wearing more layers in a centrally heated house than I wear in 20 degree weather in Chicago..." We died laughing.
Ann Carlson gets ready for bed.
But when all is bright, funny, and peachy in the world it's about time for the hourglass to turn around, right? That's pretty much how life works. On Thanksgiving night Emerson started coughing a good bit and feeling feverish, so Daddy and I headed to Walgreens.
We got there at 10:02, and they closed at 10:00. "No problem," I said, "We'll just go to Wal-Mart."
Then we both looked at each other like Kevin when he put on the aftershave.
Lots of Home Alone references tonight; it IS one of my all time favorite movies.
It was THANKSGIVING NIGHT- the kickoff of the Christmas shopping season- and we were going to fight the crowd?!?
Most people surge into stores in search of flat screens, computers, and high demand electronics; I was in search of baby Tylenol. FORTUNATELY, we went in the Lawn & Garden section and were shocked to find no one else on the medicine aisle. Imagine that! We were in and out in a flash. It was as if the apocalypse had occurred.
But that hour glass was still dwindling. The next morning Emerson was burning up with fever. If we didn't see a doctor then we wouldn't have much luck finding an open office on Saturday or Sunday, so after driving all around town we finally ended up at Urgent Care to the tune of $129. Why bother with insurance, again?
I go up to the window and pleaded with them about my baby girl being sick, and when they agreed to see her she promptly began running around the waiting room, taking her socks off and offering them to the nearest patient, beating on the window (I tied up the blinds and realized two days later that I left them like that- oops), yelling at the TV, and pressing her singing Minnie Mouse no less than 49 times.
And she's supposed to be sick? They probably thought I was full of it.
Thirty chases around the waiting room later we were called back (which I'm fairly certain was at the request of the others present in the room). The doctor said that she had an upper respiratory infection and prescribed some antibiotics.
We took her back home where Jay and Poppy looked after her while Mama and I went shopping.
Carlson Childcare, Inc. Who needs a living room?
Last year there was hardly anything I could buy for Emerson, or so it seemed. This year the flood gates opened. I was barely down the first 12-18 month aisle in Toys R' Us before I realized we'd need a second cart.
"On the first day of Christmas, my Mama gave to me, a Toys' R Us Rewards card for free..."
HA! Free. That giraffe is a used car salesman in sheep's clothing.
Then we braved Target and Belk and quite honestly, they weren't all that bad. By this time in the afternoon most of the crazies had been weeded out from the early morning hours. You can put this on record: unless stores are offering massive discounts on things like cars or life insurance I can say with 99.9% confidence that I'll be in my bed on Thanksgiving night and early the following day. I just don't see the point.
We were so tired from the day's extravaganza that we decided to go home when we left Belk. Mama asked if I remembered where we parked, and I said, "Yep! There's our van right there," and pointed to a silver Honda Odyssey. Little did we know that we were about to go on an odyssey of our own.
She got our her keys, hit unlock, and we put our bags behind the driver's seat. I hopped in the front and started talking about what I needed to get done once we got home. Mama was getting ready to drive when she said, "Gosh, my seat is really worn." About that time I began smelling cigarette smoke and thought that was odd. Perhaps someone had been smoking right outside of our car? Then I thought..."Oh, no. Maybe someone has been in here???" I turned around looked in the back, and ALL of our toys were gone. My heart dropped. "OH MY GOSH!!! Someone stole-"
"KATHARINE!!! THIS ISN'T OUR CAR!!!!!"
I looked around frantically in disbelief. Sure enough, there was a monogrammed cup in the front seat, and the letter wasn't a "C" or an "M." There were sunflower seeds scattered about, along with a pack of cigarettes. Most definitely not ours. But they did have a pair of shoes in the back identical to one of mine, so when we put our bags in we recognized the items.
Faster than my paycheck goes we had our bags out of there and our bodies out of the seats. We practically ran to our real van that was parked one row over, facing the exact same direction. What are the odds? My heart was still pounding out of my chest. What if the family had come up? Who doesn't lock their doors? Our world these days isn't exactly Mr. Rogers' neighborhood.
And sometime later that afternoon I'm sure the real owners entered their van like Goldilocks...
"Someone's been sitting in MY chair!!!"
WOW. At least it made for a hilariously entertaining story. One that keeps going.
Saturday night- after the first Clemson win against Carolina in half a decade- Emerson started getting pretty fussy and coughing a lot. We got another humidifier and figured that would do the trick.
Well, I was up with her from about 1:30 until almost 5:00 and told Ryan that I had to get some rest before church, so he and his Mom took back over. Half an hour later he woke me up and told me that they were taking her to the Emergency Room. He also told me that they'd handle it and to go back to sleep, but of course I couldn't. I actually went home and took a quick shower before going to the hospital, where I found Emerson on the bed getting a breathing treatment in her sleep. Her oxygen levels were in the high 80s/low 90s.
I kept telling myself that she was in the right place and receiving the best possible care, but when about six people came in to hold her down for blood work and an IV I started losing it. She was screaming in pain and looking me right in the eyes as if to say, "Mama, what are you doing to me?!?"
"That child is getting a pony for Christmas," I told Ryan once they all left.
The ER doctor was wonderful. He checked on us often and told us that he had five children. Because of her high heart rate and low oxygen levels he said that it was the right thing to admit her to a room for monitoring and further observation, and if it were his child that's what he would do. Up until that point I had every intention of going to church, but Ryan told me that I needed to stay. Emerson needed me. And as much as I'd rather be at First Baptist than anywhere else on Sunday I had to admit that he was right.
She was pitiful, and it was heartbreaking. Every few minutes it seemed that she was being poked and prodded. But when we asked for prayers, boy did our friends and loved ones deliver. We had an outpouring of people that came to see her, called us, sent messages, and prayed for us. We were overwhelmed with gratitude for each person who gave of their time and hearts.
Her Christmas list was growing by one item with each incident that made her unhappy. Call me ridiculous, but try walking a mile in my shoes and then tell me that you don't want to dash to the nearest toy store as if you're on Supermarket Sweep.
Minnie Mouse dolls? I'll take five, please.
The staff at McLeod was really wonderful. I just wish they could have timed their visits a little further apart. We slept a total of fifteen minutes that afternoon.
Then there was the oxygen monitor. It was set to go off anytime her level went below a certain number. Obviously, that may mean danger. What we didn't realize is that Emerson stepping on the cord would also trigger the ear piercing alarm. We also discovered that the machine would go off for ANY of the following reasons:
- Making a funny face
- Sneezing
- The clock ticking
- The sun being out
- Jesus being the Son of God
Turn in your Bibles to the book of Beep, chapter 1, verse 3.
That alarm went off incessantly. I'm going to guess that we heard at least two million, nine hundred thousand and two beeps. And that wasn't counting the times that we stepped out of the room.
Emerson was put on lots of medicines, one of which was steroids. It was as if she had chugged five liters of Surge.
Until 2:30 that morning she was TOTALLY wide awake, with us trying everything within our power to get her down.
Can I break out of this crib?
Here, Dada. You can play with my Mickey rattle.
We normally avoid the Emergency Room at all cost$. LITERALLY. But everyone confirmed that we were in the right place. Ryan gave me an evil side eye when I opened a pack of diapers they gave me.
"That's going to show up on our itemized bill," he warned. He's probably right. When I asked him how the steak was that was brought to our room he simply replied, "I'm glad I got that crown on my tooth last week."
Oddly enough the most expensive hotel room we'll ever have didn't exactly have the most comfortable accommodations. Ryan finally fell asleep on the couch...the one that we had to call hospital maintenance to figure out how to operate. And I was delegated to the chair.
Oh, it looked innocent enough, but that was until I tried to fold it out completely. I had to push and hold the bottom of it out with my feet to keep it in place while I attempted to lie in a somewhat flat position.
But as soon as I dozed off and forgot to keep holding my foot down, the chair instantly folded me up like a taco.
This happened about five times. That's the most sit ups I've done in half a year. Ryan and I ended up switching places and FINALLY got to sleep until 8:00 that morning. It never failed; as soon as I had Emerson in a comfortable spot someone else knocked on the door to:
- Take her temperature...where the sun doesn't shine. Another Christmas present for an unpleasant situation: check!
- Take out our trash. We seemed to fill it up every fifteen minutes. How was that possible?
- Administer medicine
- Discuss which game is most fun between Monopoly and Scrabble
- Say the pledge of allegiance
- Discuss the Chinese economy
So, are we 'Out of the Woods' yet?
Not quite, but Emerson was released on Monday afternoon with lots of medicine, TLC, and some balloons. The official diagnosis was pneumonia and bronchiolitis. Take those words to a spelling bee competition.
We came home thirteen months to the day that we brought Emerson home from the hospital. Crazy, right??? That gives 'the second coming' a whole new meaning.
This weekend is our 'Born is the King' musical at church. Be there or be SQUARE!
No, but really. It is an hour full of heart filled worship and praise to our Savior. You won't regret it. Let's spend time this Christmas season on things that really matter. (That goes for me, too...)
Am I finally able to think straight after all that's happened in the past few weeks? Almost. But as Ryan always says..."Almost only counts in horseshoes."
And when it comes to horse shoes, make sure you're wearing fabulous ones.
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