1) Running at the gym
Sorry, Gold's. That membership was great the five times that I used it. What's that, an average of fifty bucks a visit?
2) A cooking class
Betty Crocker herself would say my cooking's a crock. And I'm not talking about the pot.
3) The cleaning aisle in the grocery store
One of Emerson's latest quirks is being deathly frightened of the vacuum cleaner. It used to soothe her, but now when I turn it on (admittedly, rarely) she goes nuts. Ryan has to take her out of the room for this once-a-month occasion...if I'm lucky. But that got me thinking.
If being scared of this chore actually makes her exempt from it, then every time I see a duster, bottle of cleaning spray, broom, mop, you name it, I am going to go absolutely berserk with fear.
This will most likely result in one of two things. A) I will never have to clean the house again, or B) Temporary housing in a mental ward will go on my permanent record. Both options are viable.
If you get this 'Doug' reference you have reserved a spot in my "awesome friends" list.
I can hardly function some mornings, and I mean that sincerely. One morning recently my coworker kindly tapped me on the shoulder, because I had my shirt on inside out.
And while at the doctor's office with Emerson for her one year checkup I looked down at my feet. Her appointment was at 4:30 in the afternoon, and in that moment I realized that I had been wearing two different shoes the entire day.
Even the kids and parents in the room were laughing. One girl said, "I thought you meant to do that!"
One rule after this checkup? No more bottles for Emerson. Sippy cups only- Doctor's orders. Boy, was that difficult the first couple of nights. Taking hamburger meat out of a shank tank may have been an easier task.
So...what's a sleepover? Emerson has been awake for two hour periods during the middle of the night for the past several weeks. I finally discovered that if I physically get in the crib with her she's happier.
Remember that Madea scene where the floor says, "Help ME!!!" when she walks over it? That's probably how our crib feels.
So there we are, the two of us, snuggled in her crib. But one is wide awake. What's a sleepover, anyway? It's when I'm sleeping, and Emerson is stepping all OVER me while yelling, saying "Dadadada" very loudly, banging the crib, rubbing the headboard as if she's cleaning it, pulling my hair, and hitting me in the face.
That's a sleepover.
So excuse me if I can't finish sentences, don't remember why I walked in the room, forget stamps on the mail, and cooked a pot of beans without ever turning on the eye. Yep, guilty as charged.
And pardon me while I carry my one year old that I love with every part of my being and step over the baby gate with the grace of a Tyrannosaurus Rex while kicking a stuffed animal out of the way, making a clear path to her bedroom for what will most likely be an unsuccessful attempt to put her down in the crib...but not before using my toes to pick up a blanket on the floor to wrap around her, and all the while swaying her from side to side like a pendulum so she will relax.
Now I understand why psychotic patients rock.
But evidently Emerson is catching on to something, because I usually rub and pat her to sleep once she's calm enough. In an effort to get her to go to dreamland I pretended I was asleep one of the last times I joined her in the crib.
That's when I felt HER patting and rubbing ME. It was absolutely hilarious. I was desperately trying to fake sleep, but it was so funny and it tickled so much that I died laughing, completely undoing the previous half hour I'd spent getting her to sleep.
But for every exhausting night there are one million things to which I can look forward:
Leaves turning in beautiful, fiery, shades...pre Christmas decoration debates...a waistline that's beginning to expand...
These reasons and many more serve as evidence that the holiday season is upon us.
I have been meaning to document the "AB" era of our lives for the past few weeks. That's "After Birthday" in case you're wondering. However, I was hindered when the hard drive on my Mac became completely full (I can't imagine with what....1,000,000 videos and pictures, perhaps?). Anyway, two daycare payments later I had a new hard drive installed at Best Buy with over 3 times the memory/storage. That should at least last me another month. Hahaha.
"We've got Mrs. Moody right where we want her..."
I was super excited about taking Emerson trick or treating for the first time. Halloween will always be a special day for us, because last year it was the day that we brought our baby girl home from the hospital. I remember this vividly, as the DSS lady who came to our room that morning to discuss Emerson's birth certificate was dressed like a witch. True story.
Halloween 2013 flashback:
I debated about what Emerson would be for Halloween this year, and I fell in love with this poodle costume. I also decided to customize a dog house for her. It's amazing what one can do with some cardboard, spray paint, poster board, and half a brain. Did I say half? I meant more like one fourth.
"If this little poodle keeps me awake one more night she's going in the dog house!
Happy HOWL-oween to all."
She particularly enjoyed the Dum Dums, while I always go for the Smarties. Although, Ryan always reminds me that eating Smarties does not make one smart.
I was super happy that we were able to take Emerson trick or treating at FBC!
The next weekend was one we had been anticipating for a while. The newest MOODY granddaughter, Maddie, made her first trip to Dillon. And she is PRECIOUS!
There is an equal amount of love and exhaustion in our eyes.
The grandparents and great grandparents are smitten!
That afternoon was Aria's first Birthday party. Aria was one of Emerson's ONEderland guests just a few weeks ago! It was now time to celebrate princess style.
That evening was a shower and pig pickin' for Reagan and Hunter Jordan. They are an AWESOME couple, and I can't wait for their big day.
I always wondered where the name came from, but "pig pickin'" is a pretty accurate phrase. I dissect all meat that I eat because I hate, I repeat HATE eating a piece of fat. It gives me the creeps. Now I know why they call it a pig pickin', but the truth is that I do this with everything I eat...steak pickin,' chicken pickin', fish pickin'....I think you get the point.
You picked pigged the right one, baby.
The holidays are upon us, so can't we be honest with ourselves? Dieting is a lost cause at this point. Might as well wait until January...but that month is so depressing, so we should procrastinate until February and drown our sorrows in bags of Cheetos while catching up on all the TV shows that will return in 2015. But golly gee, those chocolates are too tempting to pass up on Valentine's Day, so you better wait until Easter. Oh, wait.
Gotta eat then, too. So how about late spring or early summer? The diet will have to wait until after the Memorial Day, 4th of July, and Labor Day cookouts. But then there's my Birthday in October! I must have cake. And cheese fries. And Halloween candy. And wait...isn't it time for the holidays again?
One of Ryan's most memorable quotes lately was the following conversation that we had last week:
Me: "Ryan, are you going by the gym after work?"
Ryan: "Yep, I'm going right past it."
ZOOM!!! See ya, Planet Fitness!
At least motherhood gives me enough of a workout on a daily basis. During our last Stride Rite trip Emerson ventured into the Employees Only inventory room about TEN times. How in Heaven's name am I supposed to fish my debit card out of my pocketbook, balance another box of shoes on my lap that I'm returning for the 5th time, because they won't fit, find my Stride Rite "rewards" card (and I use that term loosely, because a tiny pair of shoes will set you back about fifty bucks), all while chasing Emerson around the store and TRYING to stay in line?
Free boots to anyone who wants to work the register!
These boots were made for shoppin.'
I am inundated with store emails and shopper rewards cards. And I get so tired of being asked to buy something in front of Wal-Mart every time I go in. I understand some causes are good, but at some point too much is too much. Maybe I just want to get in and out of the store quickly. One of the last times my parents and I went in Wal-Mart late one evening we actually parked at the opposite entrance to avoid the "salespeople" at the first one, and out of NOWHERE a lady darts from around the car beside us to ask if we wanted her to restore our headlights. She had two teeth and what appeared to be a bottle of 409. I hadn't even unbuckled my seatbelt yet, and she wanted to repair our headlights to new factory status in the middle of a Wal-Mart parking lot at 8:00 PM.
Come on, not even these guys would fall for that.
Her offer made about as much sense as the grape jam McDonald's put in my bag last week to go with my cheeseburger.
???
Sometimes life just doesn't make sense. Sometimes things happen that we didn't see coming. Other times, we have time to prepare. I'm grateful for those times.
My grandfather has had an up and down battle with his health for the past 2 1/2 years. He was rushed to the hospital during a heart attack back in August, and it was discovered last week that he had more, severe blockages around his heart.
My grandfather is an extremely smart man, so much so that he questions things. Things about science, the Bible, Jesus, and the list goes on. It's okay to have questions, but the beauty is that it only takes the faith of a child to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Think about it. The follower who has a doctorate in the ministry and the child who accepted Christ at seven years old will both be with Jesus. While we should strive to know more about the Bible, the actual extent of our knowledge is not what ultimately determines eternity.
So I had a long talk with Papa, and in addition I spoke to him in one of the ways I know best. Through music. A couple of Fridays ago I heard this song on the radio and couldn't get it out of my head. The next day I decided to record it. Here is Chris Tomlin's new version of "Jesus Loves Me."
I ask for your continued prayers for him as he will finally be released from the hospital tomorrow for a 2-3 week stay at a rehab facility.
As we head into an exciting week full of fun, fellowship, food, fat, and family, let us be reminded that the Creator of the universe has provided all things. He gives and He takes away, but what He offers is so much more than we can imagine.
With every passing year families experience sadness and heartache for those who are no longer here, especially during the holiday season. So while you're giving thanks for the food on the table, safe travels for your family members, good Black Friday sales, and a Carolina or Clemson win remember that someone has paid a price for everything you're enjoying.
A Belk employee is missing time with her family so that you can shop. The weatherman is at work alerting you of a cold front while you're snuggled in bed with your heated blanket. Restaurants and grocery stores are open around town so that you can run out and get the one item you forgot for your recipe. Be kind to those people, even if they don't return your smile. Let's make a big impact this Thanksgiving with one of the simplest yet most effective things known to man: a grateful heart.
Happy Thanksgiving week, friends!
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