Moody Mania: Chain of Fools

"Emerson is never sleeping in our bed again."

"Ever."

"NEVER!"

Suuuure, Ryan. Tough guy. He said this in exasperation after being kicked in the back and beaten repetitively over the course of a few nights.

No, she doesn't sleep with us every night, but on the nights when she comes in with those big blue eyes after midnight asking to hop in our bed I think of her moving off to college one day and planning her wedding and my heart is crushed into a pile. So sue me.

But truly, the best way I can describe sleeping with a toddler is as if you had an octopus next to you that got caught in an egg beater.

How many legs do you HAVE, anyway!??!

I am so happy that Spring is here! There are so many exciting things happening that I don't know where to start: weddings, Birthday parties, Easter, Mother's Day, a visit from UNCLE JAY, our GENDER REVEAL, need I say more??

But events also happen that will kick us in gear and put things in perspective. Within the last several weeks the following has taken place:

1) My grandmother was hospitalized with a terrible case of pneumonia. No one but Ryan knew I was pregnant yet, and while visiting her I sat way across the hospital room and sported just a bit of protective gear.

"Yes, I'm here to see my grandmother. Name's Wendy."

2) Ryan became immensely ill with what we now assume was a stomach virus. For the sake of his privacy I will spare you the details, but let's just say that I'm glad I carried him to the doctor in my old car and not my new one, because he got sick during the ride. The doctor who saw him said it was a combination of the flu and kidney stones. What a duo! But by the grace of God his CT scan ruled out anything really bad, kidney stones included. I was nurse Katharine for several days, and last time I checked there isn't an MD degree with my name on it, but I did the best I could to keep him comfortable. If you remember the story about the salty soup, you'll be happy to know that I did remember to dilute it with a cup of water this time. Small victory steps.

3) Emerson got strep throat, and my Dad happened to save the day and drive to our house that morning so I could go to my meetings and he could accompany me to the doctor's office. She was completely inconsolable, and for a child who normally drinks like a camel she wouldn't even take her juice. THAT was a fun visit, right up there with filing your taxes. Fortunately, she bounced back very quickly.

4) My parents called me out of our music practice two Sundays ago and said they needed to speak with me. "What did Emerson do?" was my first thought. Turns out that my grandfather had been admitted to the hospital for what they thought was heart trouble. They immediately left town, and because I wanted to fulfill my music obligations and Papa was in safe hands at that point I decided to wait until after church. He was clutching his chest and moaning in pain, so my grandmother thought it was a heart attack, but it turned out to be only pneumonia in only one lung. The pain he was experiencing was not heart related, thank goodness. He was actually discharged that day.

5) While on the interstate last week my Dad's entire back tire flew off. He saw it bouncing in the rear view mirror and had to wait on the side of the road for a long time before AAA showed up. I have a theory that AAA is run by the AARP, because they do take FOREVER to arrive.

"Your tow truck is here. Mr. Carlson???"

An hour and numerous 18 wheelers later he was towed to safety, and my mother didn't tell me this tidbit until he was back at home. I can't bring myself to think of what could have happened. We. love. this. man, and all I can do is drop to my knees and thank our Heavenly Father that He saw fit to spare my Dad's life that afternoon. He has work yet to be done on earth, which is not limited to crawling in tunnels. Hallelujah!

Okay, are you exhausted yet? Because that doesn't even include half of our commitments, full time jobs, and everything else. Yes, many of the recent events were stressful, but when I reflect on each situation I see good in them. I believe there is good in everything; sometimes it's just hard to see. My constant prayer is that it won't take a tragedy to wake me up and make me fully depend on God.

Just like one morning this past week when it seemed like everything that could go wrong did go wrong, and I called Ryan fuming. I called from a different phone and actually had to dial his number instead of pressing his name. Turns out I was a digit off and was ranting, "Where did you put my work portfolio when you cleaned the garage?!!?!" to a complete stranger. Sorry, dude. After he assured me that he didn't know what I was talking about I looked at the number, realized it was wrong, said nothing else and hung up immediately. It wasn't one of my finer moments.

Ryan said, "Listen. You need to just calm down and say a prayer. Please stop stressing." I didn't heed his advice right away as I should have. I dropped Emerson off at daycare, which is a good 25 minutes from our house, arrived at my destination and then realized that I had left my work bag containing my computer on the kitchen counter. By this point I almost laughed. This was like the 8th thing that had happened to me that day, and it wasn't even mid morning. Knowing that I had to back track and wouldn't have time to eat lunch later I decided to stop at Chick-Fil-A. Guess what? The lady in front of me was taking forever. What was she ordering, anyway??? Lunch for the entire city!?? And when I pulled up to the window you might as well have punched me in the gut.

"Ma'am, the lady in front of you paid for your meal and said to have a good day."

But...I...

If that wasn't a brick to the head from God himself telling me that He's got this and to take it easy, then I don't know what was. I am so thankful for that reminder and will never forget it. Others suggested that I should sit by this lady at Outback and also get behind her in line at the IRS. Hilarious! But what a reminder.

So, we now enter the fun zone...the normal things I live for that make me so happy.

We hosted a couple's shower for Matt & Riviere at Shuler's two weekends ago. I'd probably host a party for any occasion at Shuler's just for an excuse to eat there.

"Happy Earth Day!"

We also enjoyed play dates with Audrey and baby Hazel, which were lots of fun.

Last weekend my parents came to celebrate the Spring Birthdays in our family. Aside from the restaurant giving us the wrong amount and type of food, we fixed it after just a few inevitable minutes of Carlson chaos.

My grandparents donate to many organizations and always get free calendars, stickers, and promotional materials in the mail. But this one took the cake, literally. My grandmother opened it backwards and thought, "What a lovely wristlet!" That was until she turned it around and saw the name on the front.

"James" aka my Papa.

Complete with a matching pen! SO FUNNY!!! He'll likely bring it to his next doctor's appointment.

We also had fun on the playground and eating out that weekend.

During that trip we visited my Uncle Larry. While we were there a nature program was on television, which facilitated the following conversation.

Me: "I saw a video the other day of a caterpillar turning into a butterfly! I saw the syphilis and everything!"
My parents: "The WHAT??? You mean the chrysalis?!?? Syphilis is an STD."

We. absolutely. DIED.

No, STDs are not funny in the least. But to imagine a butterfly with a sexual disease sent us into a tailspin of laughter. This is also one of the reasons why spelling is key. We were imagining a caterpillar with 50 pairs of fishnet stockings prancing around. You just had to be there. Again, I know that it's a very serious subject and is not to be taken lightly, but in the moment I was laughing so hard that I could barely breathe. There's no telling what the little one inside me was thinking.

We all know what last Saturday was: April Fool's Day. And I wasn't about to let it slide without playing a trick on Ryan. He's always "on" and waiting for a joke, so I had to be extra selective in how I would go about it. I came across an app called, "Dude! Your car!" With this app you take a picture of a friend or family member's vehicle and can then add different effects to the photo. You can set the car "on fire," smash the windows, make dents, add SWAT teams, you name it. Pure brilliance.

But for me, time was of the essence. I hurried to edit the photo before Ryan woke up, so I decided to go with a large dent in the side of his brand new work truck. It looked totally real. I knew that if I shook him awake and said, "Your truck is smashed!" he would never fall for it, but a picture is always proof. And sure enough, I saved the picture and ran upstairs.

"RYAN! YOU NEED TO COME OUTSIDE! SOMEONE SMASHED YOUR TRUCK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!"

Before he could even process what I was saying I showed him my finished masterpiece:

"How did that happen????"
"I guess someone came during the night and did it!"

Sure enough, he ran downstairs and outside. I got the whole thing on video.

"I can't believe it!!!" He shook his head. "I JUST watched a video on April Fool's." It was one of the best tricks ever, and whoever created that app is a genius.

I tried to get my Mom, too, with this photo of their van. She didn't fall for it.