We told you it's THREE ounces per feeding...UNDERSTOOD?!?!?!?
There is no 'certificate of completion' for this course, because just when you master one infant related task you discover that you fail in ten other areas. Take for instance our most recent visit to the pediatrician.
Baby weigh-ins require a dry diaper so as not to inflate the number of ounces the baby actually weighs. Merciless Mama over here forgot that tidbit and brought my little girl to the doctor with a wet diaper, meaning we had to use one from the office supply closet.
A kind gesture, indeed, however, they were out of newborn sizes. I now introduce to you the Huggies balloon:
And we thought we were confused before she arrived. But that was just the beginning.
At least I have an excuse for my frequent brain lapses...just when I thought I had boarded the train to recovery I found out about a week or so ago- after many tests and lots more pain- that I had kidney stones.
Sticks and stones don't hurt huh?? My foot.
Since Emerson was born I've gone from a normal twenty nine year old citizen to one that now needs a stroller and a walker. Somehow that doesn't add up.
Baby Emmy: you are not yet a month old but you have taught us/been responsible for all KINDS of lessons, concerns, and debacles during the few days that you've occupied the earth. Your eight pound five ounce little body is single handedly capable of keeping six grown adults in a tizzy. This is a beginning look at some of the good, the great, and the gross during our first couple of weeks together.
1) When we got home from the hospital none of your clothes fit. Not since I was nine months pregnant have I ever seen someone that had one million articles of clothing with nothing to wear.
You were too tiny, so we looked high and low for some pre-shrunk newborn outfits and finally lucked out at Target and Wal-Mart.
Fun fact: Your Mommy was the same way. I was six pounds, one ounce when I was born, and your grandmother had to buy Cabbage Patch doll clothes for me to wear. I even had a Cabbage Patch bathing suit.
2) The hospital where you were born was a noisy place. So was my abdomen. After all; it is attached to me, and I engage in conversation- whether or not another person is present- 100% of the time that I'm awake. You are therefore accustomed to lots of noise. Our saving grace? The amazing, incredible, soothing sound spa from Target. Somehow my speaking voice didn't make the cut on the buttons. I'll have to contact my agent and see what happened.
I suppose 'ocean breeze' and 'rainfall' were considerably more soothing than 'annoying.' Who'd have guessed?
So not only is the aforementioned machine capable of producing coma worthy sleep, but it also has a nightlight projector with various ocean, jungle, and farm scenes. I have watched that cow, bird, and octopus swirl about on my ceiling eight thousand times, but if it soothes you, we can paint a cow on the ceiling for all I care. That machine has proven to be one of the most valuable assets during heinous hours.
In summary, yes, this machine really would be worth one of these prices...
2) Ninety five percent of the time you really ARE the perfect baby. But do not- I repeat- DO NOT- get in the way of your feeding time. You can be fast asleep and will jerk wide awake at any given moment, ravenous for that bottle. I even try and reason with you sometimes.
"It's warming up, Emmy. It'll be here in just a moment. I promise!!!" But you aren't satisfied and will not quit screaming until the moment the bottle touches your lips. And that got me thinking...
What if adults acted that way when they wanted food? Can you imagine me strolling hungrily through the soup aisle in Bi-Lo, wailing like my cat just died?
Melancholy shopper. Aisle six.
Or sobbing hysterically after the Outback waiter comes over and says, "Your food will arrive in a few minutes?"
I'll not have what she's having...
3) Speaking of eating, we tried the breastfeeding thing. HAHAHAHA. I'll spare our audience the details but suffice it to say that it wasn't working for either of us. Between all my sickness and medication and your growing daily needs it wasn't happening. But we didn't find that out until I had forked over the money for a breast pump (rented, at least), special vitamins, and milk storage bags.
After a meeting with the lactation specialist- which still cracks me up- we suspected that you weren't eating enough. Then we really learned just how little you were getting when I used a double electric pump for the first time and ended up with a few drops after an entire session.
Think of it as Vanilla Extract.
Had we been in a fine restaurant you would certainly have complained about the small portions.
My mother, who had been with me during the specialist appointment and also during our training session/pump meeting with the nurse burst out laughing hysterically when we were getting ready to make bottles for Emmy.
"Mama, WHAT is so funny???"
Through body convulsions and almost weeps she held up and shook the bottle of five drops that I had pumped and said..."That nurse sold you freezer sized bags for the breast milk. FREEZER sized!!!" Truthfully an eye dropper would have sufficed. We laughed and laughed about that. But of course it still hurts me to laugh...
My cup doth not runneth over. Pun intended.
The whole feeding every three hours thing was absolutely killing me in the beginning. By the time I fed you, burped you, and finally got you settled again it was time for the next round. I now do things differently, as suggested by your doctor, but I can't help but wonder.... Why can't babies just eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner like the rest of us??? Eating eight times a day??? Surely that's starting a trip down the wrong path.
4) Speaking of health and life in general, most parents wake up frequently during the night in panic and run over to make sure their baby is still breathing. Not us. What's our secret? Your expressive hands and arms. No joke. As sure as polynesian sauce complements Chick-Fil-A nuggets I can wake up at any given time and look over to find you directing the choir in your sleep. It is both hilarious and relieving. No wonder I felt movement 24/7 in the womb.
5) And nothing says healthy baby like a working digestive tract. Poop. Our lives absolutely center around it these days.
6) Then there's your hair. It stops people of all ages in their tracks. I can't tell you how many people mention it on a daily basis. If you keep up that hair growing gene of yours it may be very easy for you to begin a career in acting.
7) You went on your first excursion to Bi-Lo last week. I have figured out that if I take you out and about shortly after you've eaten you're almost guaranteed to sleep the entire trip. But that didn't mean I still wasn't nervous.
Ticking time bomb.
We went early enough so as to avoid crowds of people, but that didn't stop the loud speaker from going off every few seconds to alert the five people in the store of that particular day's specials.
"FUEL PERKS!!! STEAK SALE!!! 1/2 OFF PAPER PRODUCTS!!!"
Who cares?!??!?!? I wanted to smash that thing with a hammer. I have been sleeping in hour and a half increments, and my dying wish is to shop in solitude with my newborn. SERIOUSLY, Bi-Lo??
Then there was the challenge of getting all shapes and sizes of groceries- from boxes of goldfish to large bags of grapes- into the shopping cart and around your car seat. I maneuvered more shapes in that cart than your average game of Tetris.
And after all that work I realized later that afternoon that I had forgotten one lousy- yet essential- ingredient for our dinner, meaning another trip to the store. However, it just so happened to run into your feeding time. Great Kroger Meltdown, commence. We chose Kroger because A) I didn't want to look like an idiot for going in Bi-Lo again. It comes too naturally anyway. B) It was on our way home from the doctor.
You began stirring as I turned down each aisle, and of course I would be in an unfamiliar and newly remodeled grocery store and have no clue where anything was. I was flying around those aisles like someone on Supermarket Sweep trying to get out of there as quickly as possible.
I don't want to be that parent that leisurely shops and reads labels while their baby is having a catastrophic fit. Or in a restaurant. Or in the mall, church, or anywhere else for that matter. The baby can't help it, but it's inconsiderate to other people, and I think the parent should take the child somewhere else. Call me crazy.
We had just made it to the Self Checkout line when the wails began, and I was absolutely mortified. Like something out of Cops I patted you down from head to toe wondering what you had done with that blasted pacifier so I could at least calm you down for the minute and forty five seconds it would take to scan my items. Other shoppers, the checkout clerk, and anyone within earshot of us was rushing over to help me with the Kroger card, bag the items, etc. It was very kind of them, but I'm not stupid. They wanted us out of there.
I'm fairly certain that our picture is now up so as not to allow us back in.
8) Making videos, music, writing, working on crafts....those are things I enjoy. Cooking dinner is somewhere way back on the list of things I like, right next to scrubbing toilets and folding clothes properly. Last Thursday night Ryan came home famished, and I told him not to worry; I was making breakfast for dinner. I had already checked earlier to make sure that we had pancake mix and bacon... But to my horror this particular pancake mix required an egg, and we had not one in the entire house.
Beat it. Just beat it.
Ryan was making a daycare dinner of bugles and peanut butter and jelly when our doorbell rang, and two Heavenly angels appeared on our doorstep. Their names are Julie and Ashlyn.
They came bearing good fortune in the form of a huge pan of baked spaghetti, corn casserole, and cookies.
WHOOP WHOOP.
Also, Julie painted this AMAZINGLY incredible chair for Emmy. From the colors that perfectly match her nursery to the incredible PIANO KEYS on the arms and heartfelt Bible verse this is one of the most unbelievable gifts I've ever seen. She has such a talent that she so willingly shares with others. Absolutely marvelous!!!!
I'm considering building a Smithsonian nook in our house just for this piece of fabulous furniture.
9) We also had several other visitors in the past few days! Meagan, Brittni, and Courtney came by to meet baby Emmy, and some of my coworkers brought us Outback to-go and lots of sweets!!! Our house gets warmer with every visitor. We love it!!!
You have been an absolute angel for each of our many guests. You save your meltdowns for Daddy and me. And quite frankly, we prefer it that way, although no meltdowns would be even better.
Hmmm...I'm thinking of and plotting ways to keep you awake tonight.
10) So yes, there have been nights where I have stood my weary, misery ridden body over your bassinet and begged the Almighty Father that you would fall asleep. I've learned a few tricks in my short albeit detailed experience: walking around with you on my shoulder while singing hymns, Christmas carols, and sometimes even a holly jolly Jesus remix will send you into that open jawed, jello armed sleep syndrome. And for that I am grateful.
And something hit me the other night...
At this point in your life- thus far, at least- I can soothe, rock, or cuddle away what bothers or hurts you. As draining and utterly exhausting as this can be I would give anything for it to stay this way. Because you know what? One day- sooner than I wish- there will come a time when I won't be able to do that. What's bothering you may be too big for me, too much, like a broken heart or a tough teacher. Or even sadder...you will be too big to hold over my shoulder. Every second that I have you in my arms is one second that I won't get back. So emails, texts, calls, shows on DVR, Wii games, that scrapbook I've been wanting to start- ALL of those things are second to making sure you have everything you need. I love you more than anything.
11) You had your first big trip to First Baptist Church this past Sunday, and what excitement that was!!! Ryan and I took no offense to the fact that while everyone was glad to see us they mostly couldn't wait to get a glimpse of YOU! You were highly anticipated by some of the greatest people and church family in the world and were given a special rose in your honor.
FBC nursery guards.
Our loved ones couldn't wait to meet you. You were passed around more than the hymnals yesterday!
I jokingly told my Mom last week that the congregation would stand for a congratulatory applause when Emmy's rose was announced. She looked at me very seriously and said, "Honey, I really don't think they do that."
"MAMA, did you honestly not know that I was kidding?!" Then I took it a step further and said, "Oh, and there will be flag inserts in the bulletins, and everyone will wave them during the service."
Bless her heart. I have a history of so many outlandish ideas that she wouldn't put it past me. In all seriousness my church is one of the most treasured pieces of the puzzle that makes me who I am. To be there doing what I love surrounded by the people I love made my heart so full it almost burst.
**********************************************************
Ryan and I were holding Emmy last week, staring in her eyes, and marveling at what a gift she is. While blinking back tears I looked at him and said that with her, and our family, a lifetime is not enough. And he said it best without missing a beat.
"That's why He provided the gift of Salvation... because a lifetime really isn't enough."
Make the most of your lifetime, but keep an eternal perspective. And stay tuned for the next episode of Emmy's week in Dillon, meeting more family members, and her first Thanksgiving! And of course, more cuteness, cuddles and crazy.
P.S. In case you haven't seen it I put together a brief slideshow of video clips and from the time we found out we were expecting to Emmy's first week with us. I did not include any footage of her screaming. You're welcome : ) Enjoy!
No comments:
Post a Comment