Moody Mania: Houston, We Have the Carlsons

There have been numerous events in the news lately- big, catastrophic kind of events.

This city had no idea what was coming when our crowd arrived.

On Wednesday, May 8th we embarked on a journey to Houston for Jay's graduation. What do you get when practical, level headed Ryan travels with the Carlsons? You're about to find out.

While we had an absolute blast in Houston, our trip certainly wasn't without the standard and inevitable misfortunes. Luckily for you, you'll get to read and laugh about instead of experience them. Brace yourself.

We hadn't pulled out of my neighborhood when Mama said she couldn't "feel" the effects of her motion sickness patch.

"Quick, someone put her on the Tilt-a-Whirl!"

Being stuck behind this thing was a cake walk compared to the chaos awaiting us at the Atlanta airport.

After making our way through the ~~Bermuda triangle~~ airport parking lot we checked our suitcases and got our tickets like pros. That's where our good fortune stopped.

We waited in line behind hundreds of people for the security check while I drank all the drinks in my bag knowing they wouldn't allow me to board with any liquids.

We finally made it to the checkpoint and unloaded all of our necessary (and some unnecessary) belongings, like Skittles. I had to ask for a pat down instead of going through the scanner, and while a security guard was getting quite friendly with me she asked very seriously, "Is that your husband in the blue shirt?" I then heard my mother saying something frantically to one of the other guards.

"Yes, that's him."

"They found bullets in his carry on bag. We may have to call the police."

WHAT!??!?!??!

Ryan's face was redder than Ronald McDonald's hair. I then found out that my mother was saying, "Those are deer hunting bullets!! He left them in his bag by mistake!!! They're for deer hunting!! DEER HUNTING!!!!" Her intent to claim his innocence may have been more effective if deer season hadn't ended four months ago.

SWAT, standby. We've got a blue eyed American boy with confirmed ammunition in a carry on.

Ryan was escorted to the airport supervisor, where I imagined he would be interrogated with questions such as "WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR" and "WHAT WAS YOUR MOTIVE???" while strapped to a chair.

I was sick to my stomach as several things ran through my mind. Would we miss our flight? Would they let me comb Ryan's hair before the mug shot?? Would I be spending my souvenir savings on bail???

SECURITY!!! Bon Qui Qui says step away.

At least we can commend the Atlanta airport for taking the safety of their passengers very seriously. By the grace of GOD ALMIGHTY they took the bullets, asked Ryan for a few phone numbers, and let him go. Perhaps it was his sweet face that did it.

In any event, we were more relieved than Oprah after her hamburger lawsuit was dismissed. Ryan had totally forgotten that the bullets were in his bag.

And to think when we arrived I was more worried that they'd confiscate my snacks...

Before my heart rate returned to normal I was happily seated on the aircraft next to America's latest threat.

I suppose all that commotion made Daddy want to seek solace in his Bible. HAHA!

Despite Ryan's one mishap he was SUCH an expert traveler. He knew how to get to every terminal, gate, checkpoint, etc. and even rented an SUV like it was nothing. He was the perfect travel companion...

Just don't ask him to pack your carry on bag.

After the airport we endured Houston traffic- during rush hour. I've played Mario Kart races that were less intense and stressful.

Move over- that's MY exit!

We arrived at the University of Houston at around 6:00 that night. We were STOKED to see Jay in the flesh for the first time in months!!!

He gave us a tour of his room and dorm, the decor of which would later remind me of the inside of a rocket ship.

Where are the pictures, posters, and peacock decorations???

Sky lounge. Great for sunny weather; not so ideal while raining.

We later arrived at our hotel, which with our luck was undergoing a massive renovation, resulting in a most inconvenient stay.

We welcome you with this pile of cement, rocks, and trash. Of course there was no mention of this minor detail in our reservation papers.

After a night of rest we had breakfast at Jack in the Box the next morning.

I don't know if it was the waffle sandwich or being around me all the time, but Ryan was such a ham during that meal. He is absolutely hilarious and says "hallelujer" after almost any statement.

I ordered a carton of orange juice with my meal and after reading the label announced that it had a good source of Magnesium. "It's just like milk of Magnesium!" I proclaimed, while making a Fantasia gesture with my hands.

Leave to Daddy to burst my bubble. "Katharine, it's Milk of Magnesia, not Magnesium!"

Then I thought and asked out loud, "What if it was called milk of 'amnesia?' I can't remember if I ordered strawberry or chocolate!!!" That sent me into a hysterical, laughing fit. It really doesn't take much, folks.

Now I've been told for years that my head is usually in the clouds, but that afternoon I got to take an in depth look inside my brain.

Behold the NASA space center.

Jay volunteered to demonstrate life in the shuttle. Here he is sleeping while standing and strapped in.

Next up we took a trolley ride around the center to see where the NASA employees actually work.

During our ride my mother tapped Ryan on the shoulder and asked, "Aren't those plants beautiful? What are those? Knock out roses?"

Me: "Mama- look at our yard! Do you really think Ryan knows types of plants?"

Ryan: "Well look at our kitchen. Do you really think Katharine knows..."

Ryan won that round.

The next part was really neat. We got to see researchers/scientists/people I'd like to sit next to during the SAT on the job. This is where they conduct experiments and train the astronauts for missions.

And what did I spy with my little eye but a lousy copier in there. Must I be reminded of the work related doom that will be waiting for me when I return from vacation?

Mama said that we'd probably need this next apparatus for our child if it's as remotely as active as I am.

All new at Toys R' Us. The strap n' play.

Ann Carlson refused to be in the next picture due to "trolley hair."

Would you look at that man power?? This could be very helpful while mowing the lawn, in a hurry on the interstate, or as a storage facility for a year's supply of Cheetos.

I'm ready for flight!

Gracious, Neil Armstrong. Who let that blonde on the team???

What's a trip without a group family photo? We forked out the money for this over-priced souvenir packet and were walking out when I noticed something strange about these pictures.

"Daddy, what on EARTH is on your pants???"

Either he had an unfortunate accident, there is a fungus among us, or the most plausible option- his Levis ~~from 1995~~ weren't green screen friendly. In any event, somehow the price we paid was now worth it.

The next morning was Jay's graduation day. Before our trip Ryan picked out a new shirt to wear with his suit, and I went and got it from the men's department. This new article of clothing traveled with us to Texas.

After I had painstakingly removed every pin, tag, and extra button ~~that will be lost~~ I ironed the shirt at the hotel and gave it to him.

Then he tried it on.

I grabbed the wrong size shirt from the men's department. It was about two sizes too small.

WHY must men's dress shirt sizes be so complicated???

Belk sizing chart formula.

Fortunately Ryan had a backup shirt. On to the next crisis. Imagine our surprise when we were greeted outside with hurricane weather. And as of the previous evening Jay didn't know if A) the ceremony was indoors or outdoors, or B) what time he needed to be there. Typical Jay!

We paddled and swished along to our exit.

And the Carlson parents are all smiles because they're not driving!

Later that day Jay told us that when it comes to a 1-10 scale of overreacting, my parents and I are missing the middle digits. Everything is a 10 to us.

Several cars got stalled in the monsoon, and a misfortunate kid who decided he was in a hurry and wanted to jump the median with his car got it lodged on the cement...stopping everyone behind him for about 15 minutes. That's four years in Houston traffic.

Several cop cars, fog horns, and a detour later, we made it to our lunch destination: Baba Yega. It was delicious!!! And so homey.

Ryan is not too thrilled about having his picture taken after all that hullaballoo.

Jay forewarned us about the agony that was finding a parking spot around the university. Imagine our utter shock when we immediately found a parking garage right across the street from the graduation ceremony with hundreds of available spaces.

I assumed that our carriage would turn into a horse any minute and that we'd come back to find that a steel beam had fallen on the rental car.

Enterprise. Looks like we'll have to pick you up.

Our luck continued as we found good seats. I was literally asleep when the president began her standard welcoming, politically correct jargon. That was until DENNIS QUAID got up to make a speech! Celebrity news??? YES! Now I was awake. He was great and actually attended school there. Who knew? He was awarded a medal for his ~~work with the endangered grasshoppers in Fiji~~ I really don't remember what for. But it was definitely a highlight!

The graduation ceremony was great with the exception of the friends and family members of many of the students conducting themselves like zoo inhabitants when their names were called.

Oh, Jay, I am BEYOND proud of you. Jay is one of my best friends, and since the day he was born I was completely enthralled with him. I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for him.

Due to the earlier flood, I decided to nix the heels for flip flops. Forgive me.

Oh, the Carlson family.

We've come a long way!

That evening we took a trip to the Houston ~~highways~~ aquarium. It was awesome!!!

With my wandering mind, the animals began to remind me of things/people...like Ryan sitting in the green chair in front of the TV when he gets home.

Or the kids selling chocolate to that old lady in the Sponge Bob episode...resembled by this friendly Eel.

Ryan's latest quirk is making parrot noises when asked a question. Who knows.

Here we have Ryan again as a Piranha when I tell him that I don't feel like cooking yet again that evening.

This beautiful Lionfish has a side job when he leaves the aquarium at night.

He served as Sarah Jessica Parker's head piece at this year's Met Gala.

When Legends of the Hidden Temple was cancelled on Nickelodeon the rock man decided to further his career as a fish tank.

You laugh, but it pays the bills.

We LOVED the aquarium!

We also got to pet the sting rays.

Oh, look who's headed straight for the hand washing station even though she didn't put her hands in the water?

We had dinner that evening at the aquarium restaurant, and it definitely didn't disappoint!

Although Mama didn't order anything because "the whole restaurant smelled like fish." Well...

Later that night we toured Rice University. This campus is unbelievable.

We spent our final morning in Texas having breakfast at Baby Barnaby's. I'm pretty sure Jesus himself made my pancake. It was that good.

When we were through a waiter came behind Daddy and extended his hand, obviously reaching for his plate. My sweet, oblivious Dad turned around and shook the guy's hand!!!

"What??? I thought the guy knew me! I saw this hand coming around. What was I supposed to do?"

We laughed and laughed and LAUGHED about that. You had to be there.

That, my friends, was our Houston trip. Do you wish you had been a fly on the wall?

While headed home on the way back through security Ryan packed his carry on bag in a suitcase to avoid further humiliation. However, my Dad was the culprit this time with shaving cream, which they took from him.