I could do algebra in 7th grade. Please note my use of the word "could."
...because by no means could I remember how to do it now. And calculus? Psshhh. I'd be more likely to re-wire an airplane cockpit using hair ties and electric tape.
There are many things in life that we once knew how to do but don't realize how much we've forgotten until we have to do it again. Case in point: bringing home a newborn.
I can't tell you how deeply I prayed that this day would come again and how much extra joy this little boy has brought to our family when we needed it most. But there are a few things that I neglected to remember during my state of bliss.
1) Feeding every three hours
And no, I'm not talking about my constant trips to the pantry. By the time I warm up the bottle, feed, burp, change, and settle him...it's time to eat again.
It's like the movie Groundhog Day, but with food. I love to eat as much as the next person, but the number of times a baby eats seems to be the equivalent of stuffing this entire table into my lunchbox.
2) The POOP
...and the accompanying grunting. Almost immediately after welcoming our son into the world I was reminded how many conversations center around feces...and how babies will let you know (from across the room or even the house) when they've gone.
Sometimes it's a small grunt and other times he rivals that of a champion weightlifter.
And the array of colors are just, well.... Pocahontas said it best.
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind.
And let's not forget about urine. While in the hospital one of our nurses asked us if Landon had tee teed yet, and we said not to our knowledge. So she said (this woman was HILARIOUS, mind you) that she just knew he had tee teed, and she was going to fish through our trash to prove it.
You see, the stripe on a diaper will turn blue once it's wet, so sure enough she fished through our trash with gloves on until she found the rotten diaper and said that sometimes it takes a while for the stripe to turn blue.
Aren't we glad that our outerwear doesn't reflect whether or not we've wet ourselves?
She was talking wildly with her hands, holding the soiled diaper, and making a point going, "See! I told you so," while two feet away from my germaphobe father-in-law who was getting green in the face. It was worth the entire ordeal.
3) Carseat Carpel Tunnel
This is a phrase I've coined, FYI. Please explain this math problem to me.
Here's how light a newborn baby feels in your arms:
And while not an actual form of measurement, this teddy bear represents the approximate weight of an empty car seat:
So can someone tell me WHY the weight multiplies by INFINITY once a tiny infant is placed in the seat to be carried?!?
And I had completely and wholeheartedly forgotten one thing: the level of tired I would be in the first few weeks.
I can tell when the feeling is coming...
And while I can fight it, there's nothing I can actually do about it.
And then the moment comes when I remember that I have actual household responsibilities, too.
On some days I can't even form reasonable answers to questions I'm asked. Here are a few examples.
Are these dishes clean?
I pledge allegiance to the flag...
Do you own a pet?
Yes, please butter my toast.
What color is your shirt?
Pineapples
So how do I have time to blog? Because without this avenue to release my thoughts I would be rocking on a floor somewhere in a white jacket.
At LEAST I am recovering well. It's been four weeks now, and I definitely feel human again and can do normal activities without feeling like a sloth.
And we must not forget the fact that I have been FREED from that horrible catheter. Because there's nothing quite like sloshing to the front door to greet your guests.
So on particularly hard days I remind myself: at least I'm not on house arrest while dragging a bag of my own urine around.
For my Birthday weekend I told Ryan that I wanted to go "home." He of course knew what I meant. That Friday I picked Emerson up from daycare right after show-and-tell had finished. I couldn't leave Landon in the car, so I carried him in...and you would have thought that Mickey Mouse himself had entered the room. Emerson was SO excited to show off her little brother, and the other kids came flocking to him like the seagulls that attacked me years ago while I was eating Cheez-Its on our beach balcony. We'll file that under one of my not so many intellectual moments.
She was giving the other kids instructions to not cough around or touch the baby. It was hilarious.
And when we arrived at home Landon was passed around more than the basket of rolls at Cracker Barrel. We appreciated the visitors so much.
Dorothy also brought me one of the most beautiful Birthday cakes I've ever seen.
And my parents' Sunday School class prepared one of the most elaborate and delicious meals I've ever eaten. It was a bittersweet day of congratulations and condolences, as it was the first time people were meeting Landon and also the first time that most people had seen us since Papa had passed.
But sometimes the smallest things serve as the greatest reminders of His faithfulness. Case in point: the rose that was placed in the sanctuary that Sunday for Landon's first day at church. I can't put into words how much this rose meant to me.
It was so special that even Emerson carried it around and smelled it frequently.
He is a loved little boy, and to have him there was incredibly surreal as I remembered the first day when Emerson came to the nursery.
2013 flashback.
And now here she was with her little brother.
Ryan gave me a strange look when he saw how baby boy was dressed.
"And what did you expect for his first day at church; a sack?!?"
When we're in town on Sunday evenings Emerson gets to go to choir and mission friends, and she absolutely loves it. What I'd give to be able to go every single week.
Every time I leave this place it feels like a 3,000 pound elephant is sitting on my heart; literally aching it.
But that's a whole other situation entirely.
And while we're on the subject of emotional turmoil- our house is STILL on the market. I will again refrain from penning a novel on my hatred strong disdain from this process. One day, my friends. One day.
Trying to keep this house in museum mode with a three year old and a newborn is as useful as sculpting a tissue paper statue on a windy day or setting up dominoes on I-20 during rush hour. My efforts are completely futile until both children are asleep.
But then I'm supposed to "sleep when the baby sleeps."
Ay, yi yi.
What's that saying about God always knowing what you need and when you need it? THIS GIRL is one of the greatest helpers in the history of big sisters.
She literally carries my baggage.
She calms her brother by one of the following methods: giving him a pacifier (she even knows to rinse it off first), singing, or talking to him in the sweetest, calmest voice. I could probably take notes.
And the first thing she asks when she comes in the door each day is: "Where's Landon? Where's my baby?" It's similar to how our parents acted once she was born; the baby was the first one to be asked about.
It's important for me to still spend one-on-one time with Emerson, so I took her out to see her very first movie- My Little Pony- recently. She absolutely LOVED it and was again the perfect age. We snacked on popcorn and gummies while she watched intently and even cried when it was over because she wanted to watch it again.
"But honey, movies are expensive. You only see them in the theater once, and then maybe we can buy the movie when it comes out."
Of course I neglected to tell her that there were movies I saw multiple times in theaters in junior high: Patch Adams, Wild Wild West, Titanic, you name it. But that's yet another perk of growing up in a small town with a movie theater that charges $2.00. I wasn't about to attempt that conversation.
We also took Emerson to the state fair, and it was probably the best trip ever. She had an incredible time.
Time stood still that evening, and as I look at her it feels like I have blinked since she was born, and now she's almost up to my rib cage.
Seeing things through her eyes is something to which I look forward with every passing season and occasion. I just wish I could keep her this way.
Need I remind you that our beloved daughter will be FOUR in less than two weeks?! It tears me up every time I even think about it. But naturally I'm knee deep in party planning despite having a four week old.
There's absolutely no hope of talking sense into me.
I'm busier than a police officer trying to handcuff a centipede.
Does that same key open all these locks??
But what I always make time for- no matter what- is holding and loving on my children. I do this for a million reasons.
My son that fits in a heap on my chest now will one day tower over me by- let's be honest- probably elementary school. One day there will be a wedding ring on his finger...those same fingers that wrap around mine. But until then I will hold and kiss and rock and snuggle with him as much as is humanly possible.
What a PERFECT gentleman he is. Once he got settled in he is usually completely content unless he's hungry. I can't believe that an entire month has gone by with this little boy in our lives. It continues to be an unbelievable blessing.
#MonthOneHomeRun
Let's talk some more about timing. Ryan's Birthday was on October 11th...and so was Papa's. He would have been 88 this year. This particular Birthday was difficult for me.
But I woke up that morning like I usually do and made breakfast for Ryan. There was also a Birthday call that I didn't make. I thought about that all day. "Happy Birthday, Papa."
My grandmother has been going through all of his clothes and things to give away and asked if I wanted to keep anything.
Yes, I wanted a sweatshirt of his. Sure, it may still be 90 degrees this October, but I wanted to have a piece of him with me all the time. He wore Calvin Klein's Obsession cologne, and almost all of his clothes have that faint smell in them.
And my grandmother came home from rehab last week, so that's a definite praise report, although there are still many challenges related to that situation.
This past weekend we went up to Biltmore for a gorgeous wedding for our friends Trey and Lauren. We also got to see a ton of other people that we know and love while there.
I had a whirlwind trip home for Lexie's shower and was also thrilled to have more people visit and love on baby Landon.
Having a boy and a girl is what I have wanted my entire life. They compliment each other better than peanut butter and chocolate, or perhaps a better analogy- chicken nuggets and Polynesian sauce. It's just an absolutely perfect combination.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again. God had a precise age in mind when He allowed Emerson to become a big sister, and it couldn't have come at a greater time.
There are days when I feel completely overwhelmed and frustrated and the highest amount of exhaustion possible. But then there are moments like these when all the world stops and all is right. Because I (and Ryan) are responsible for two of the most precious souls I could imagine. Every time I hold them will be the last time they're that little again.
So I will accept it all. The happy moments and those of frustration. The ups, the downs, and the days when I'm coasting through on fumes and running about as efficiently as this car.
I'll embrace the good....the bad...and the snuggly.
