We have now experienced our first vacation together- a beach trip for the 4th...and all the fun, trials, and tribulations that were included. Here's how it went down.
Let's start by viewing these pictures from a Myrtle Beach brochure.
Are. you. KIDDING. me???
What these brochures epic-ly fail to depict are the MILLION grains of sand in each family member's swimsuit, the horribly wind blown and muggy hair, the yelling: "YOU FORGOT THE TOWELS?!??, the crying, and all the other hassle inducing events that are a part of going to the beach with a baby.
And let's be honest. This is how most people think they look at the beach:
When the reality is somewhat different...
With the wind, humidity, and sand in every crevice I really don't know how anyone can honestly say that they feel their best at the beach. Most people probably looked at me and wondered if anyone else was hurt in the accident.
But in order to give you the whole story I must start the night before our trip. Emerson was diagnosed with Hand, Foot, & Mouth, which results in blisters on the hands, feet, and- surprise - the mouth. At first it didn't bother her, but the night before we left was a living nightmare. THANK THE LORD for my parents who had come to town to take care of her so that I could go to work on Tuesday, but even that didn't happen after I started shaking with fever and had an unbelievably sore throat.
3:00 AM at our house that night consisted of my Mom tucking me under dozens of blankets while Poppy pushed Emerson around the house in her car walker in an effort to calm her. I call this double parenting. Then, in an event more shocking than Elmer Fudd getting a football scholarship Emerson would not take her bottle. Wait, WHAT?!? The sores in her mouth were too painful. We remedied her with Pedialyte popsicles while I danced around with her mother goose animal like a buffoon. I'd like to think that it was a combination of the two that soothed her. Nonetheless, that night was absolutely horrible.
Our packing for the beach was not any easier. You may remember that it took me SIX hours to pack for her first trip home. This was almost as bad. I had been doing research for months on what to bring /what not to bring for a beach trip with an infant as well as viewed lists of dos and don'ts. But it still didn't prevent me from bringing everything but the kitchen sink.
You know those food places that charge you extra if your to-go box lid doesn't close? That's pretty much how my car was packed.
Yes, Ryan, we have my car keys. They're under one of these bags.
When we finally arrived at the beach it took no less than eight trips to get all of our belongings into the condo, and my fever was coming back. Ryan took me out to dinner while my parents watched Emerson, and I was so freezing that this is just a slight exaggeration of how I dressed for our meal at Logan's Steakhouse.
And my energy level that is usually equivalent to that of an atom bomb was practically like this...
Ryan told me he wished I felt better; he just secretly hoped that I wouldn't feel so great between the hours of 10:00 AM and 9:00 PM- the times when most stores are open.
Speaking of stores, Ryan got robbed at CVS Pharmacy. This was a result of my accompanying him. He got a few things for about $15, but after I threw item after item in the cart our total was a whopping $70. That's right - robbery. And just when he thought it was over I remembered that I had forgotten to get another SD card for my camera. The poor lady struggled to unlock it for at least six minutes while other irate shoppers piled in behind me.
The next day we set out for the ocean, regardless of the fact that my fever was 101 just a few hours prior. You can't stop me! Of course I had been obsessing over what bathing suits Emerson would have on the trip. She only had about ten of them for a total of five days. We showed her the water, and well...here's what her thought process was.
1) Wow, it's like a REAL sound machine!
2) OK, it's just a little loud for my taste.
3) WAAAAAAA, a big wave knocked me over! OCEAN IS MEAN.
After Wave: 1, Emerson: 0 she decided that she wanted nothing to do with the beach. She held on to me for absolute dear life like Mufasa did to that cliff.
She spent the rest of the time enjoying the scenery (back of her eyelids), and I came to the conclusion that most likely she'll enjoy the beach a little more when she's older. And she can even do us a little favor. She'll be walking by then, so I'm going to buy one of those metal detectors that beep and attach it to her baby walker. She'll keep herself entertained AND find gold for us on the beach. That's a win/win if you ask me. And I'm patenting that. I thought of it first!
"Now I ain't sayin' she's a gold digger."
The wind that day was horrible. Mama was holding on to her umbrella like she had just won the Olympics. It was absolutely hilarious.
Almost as hilarious as "Take My Breath Away" coming on the TV as we were changing a nasty diaper. I can't make this stuff up.
"Watching in slow motion as you turn around and say...take my breath away...."
I'm certainly glad I didn't spend $50 on a bathing suit for Emerson (even though I was tempted), because that decision would have been as useless as sweeping the floors of the Titanic right before it sank.
And what's an afternoon with the Carlsons without some misfortune? Ryan lost his Ray-Bans after about five minutes in the ocean.
These polarized lenses just aren't doing it for me anymore.
The next day a HURRICANE- that's right, a hurricane- was in town. Really, Arhur??? You choose one of the FIVE days that I'm on vacation to come through? Well, you know what I always say. It never rains in the mall. So my Mom and I set off to the Tanger outlets in the monsoon.
"Oh, don't be silly. It's just a LITTLE bit of rain."
We weren't alone in our foolishness. People were actually creating parking spots, since no one could spend the day on the beach. We bought a few things here and there, and I found three new shirts for Ryan. This upped his wardrobe of outerwear from 7 to 10 total shirts. We soon decided that we had had enough and wanted to leave. But if only it were that easy... We came in by LOFT, right? Yep, that was it.
We spent the next half an hour hopelessly trekking through the parking lot looking for my Mom's van. I was more drenched than a sewer rat, and I was about as happy as one, too. My paper bag from J. Crew was totally soaked, and my wise mother offered to put my clothes in her plastic bag just before mine fell completely apart. A fanny pack made out of toilet paper would have been more sufficient than that bag. I was so frustrated and furious that I proclaimed in tears that I was going to call the police.
"Katharine, you can't call the police because we don't remember where we parked."
"WHY?!? WHY NOT??? WE NEED HELP!!!"
After one last trip to the miserable directory I realized our colossal mistake. We DID park by LOFT, but the Ann Taylor store (same company) was on the complete opposite end, and I assumed that they'd be side by side. As if you've ever needed more proof that assuming things is not good.
"Do I look like I'd know where your car is? Use the panic button, lady."
We made it home about an hour later, and after retelling the entire ordeal for my Dad he said, "It sounds to me like you shopped at the ANGER outlets." Touche, Daddy. Touche.
Ryan's parents and brother came on Friday-Sunday, and we thoroughly enjoyed our time with both families. Just make sure that you have a quick exit strategy devised if one of your family members complains that the food is cold at a particular restaurant. We are still giggling about that.
One way to make an impression with the waitress is to steal her straws...
Baby Pick-pocketer Sighted at Local Pancake House
She is a lady of many faces, too.
No formula on the breakfast menu??? Pshhh. This place stinks.
Speaking of stink, I couldn't help but notice one of the chairs at our table. Now I've heard of blowouts before, but WHAT the heck took place that resulted in this?
I can let my imagination do the talking...or laughing.
Emerson was little miss Fashion during our trip. She truthfully had a new outfit for every time she sneezed. There were also many firsts, including a ride on the carousel. She wasn't really having that either.
Shania Twain said it best.
"That don't impress me much."
On Friday evening I insisted that we take her to see the fireworks, so from the steps of the Alabama Theatre she watched in awe and didn't make a peep.
It was also imperative that I take some pictures of her in celebration of the 4th. She is on the move like you wouldn't believe! Enjoy these pictures of the nation's sweetest little patriot and their accompanying soundtracks.
"Oh beautiful for Pampers skies...."
"Oh say can you scream, by the dawn's early light..."
"My country 'tis of tee tee..."
It's crazy how things change in a year.
We celebrated this 4th with some awesome people.
It is SO hard to believe that she just turned eight months old.
Another big deal was our trip to Ripley's gold mine Aquarium, where they charge $25 per person for admission and then have the audacity to ask if you want to buy a guide book for an extra $2.00. Really??????
Now I know why they call it Ripley's "Believe it or not".....Because believe it or not, that guide book is not included.
Every good tourist attraction is home to a money sucking gift shop. It's just one of life's little facts. That evening we discovered something new known as Emerson's "light saber face."
Ryan was showing her a few random things in the gift shop when he found a large light up stick with a glowing ball on the end. He referred to it as a saber. The second he took it away she made this absolutely pitiful face. This happened about three times. Luckily for her, however, this face may actually work to her advantage in the future when she wants something.
A pony when she's three? Light saber face.
A Cinderella coach bicycle? Light saber face.
A televised sweet sixteenth Birthday party? You guessed it. Light saber face.
We ended up showing her two animals and letting her choose one, and she immediately went for this colorful, fluffy turtle, which she adored.
I appropriately named him Ripley. He did not come with a guide book.
She was also the princess of the pool in her world famous canopy float with the horn. She is absolutely hilarious in that thing.
The last night we ate a delicious meal where the only thing more of a HAM than Emerson was the actual meat itself...
And we topped off our vacation by go kart racing with Aaron and Autrey at Ocean Isle while Aunt Robin enjoyed feeding most of her slushy to someone else!
Speed Zone.
Overall I'd say our first beach trip was a ton of fun. And you know what they say about fun...
You have to unwind and crash at some point. This is an actual picture of Poppy after several hours of entertaining Emerson.
I realized that our trip came full circle. We came to see the beach and tide, and we left with the Tide.
Somehow this bottle isn't as fun...
Until next time, Myrtle Beach...
