The Brain Campaign

"Ryan, I'm so tired and need to rest.  Please don't be all noisy and loud when you get home."

"So don't act like you then.  Got it."

Exactl- heyyyyy now.

Cacophony.  It's the story of my life.  I've been pinching myself at work this week hoping to awaken from what is surely a nightmare.  In sales EVERYTHING is an impending crisis, especially with customers.

What do you mean my machine won't deliver for three weeks???  If you can't give me a delivery date today, cancel the order.

I ordered toner yesterday! What do you mean it's out of stock?  Will you get in your car, highly inconvenience yourself, and bring me a bottle?

I have a billing issue.  It MUST BE RESOLVED TODAY, or we're going with another company when the lease expires.

My job would put any sane person on house arrest or in the ICU.  Take your pick.

Must....write...one more... order this month... 

Perhaps daylight savings time has had me in such a funk this week from Monday morning onward.  Why the trickery?  We LOST an hour; there were no "savings" involved this time around.  Not only was it pitch black dark on that fateful first morning of the week, but I got caught by a 12 minute train during my commute. 

Really, Thomas???  NOT cool. 

And for the record, all companies should enforce a new policy: work begins at 9:00 am after springing forward.  Imagine the smiles on everyone's faces!  To think that I wasted nap time as a kid.  What I would give to have that luxury now.

Early last week Ryan informed me that he was playing in a golf tournament on Thursday, wouldn't be home until late, and would miss dinner.

After a not so subtle fist pump/mini celebration (you mean I don't have to cook that night?) I instantly decided to ask some friends to join me for dinner and a movie.

While Ryan was throwing swinging golf clubs Dorothy, Megan, and I had a lovely dinner at TGI Friday's, followed by a trip to the movies.  Toward the end of the meal I was having a conversation with a person I thought was Dorothy.

Shuttle-dashian.

Poor Dorothy had an allergic reaction to something in her salad, and she kindly refused our offer to help and said her lips would go down in a while.  In the mean time, we got a great laugh out of it.  After all, she got an expensive procedure for free!  Some housewife in Beverly Hills is shelling out thousands at the moment for this very result.  As a disclaimer Dorothy said she totally didn't mind if I happened to mention this event on Moody Mania.

On our way to the movie at Richland Mall the elevator we were in began shaking, and as Megan and I are freaking out/making peace with the Lord, Dorothy was as calm as a cucumber.

Speaking of the Lord, I was at the gym the other day when this large man with a booming voice began singing gospel music with all his might- right in my ear.  Perhaps he thought that Climber was the Stairway to Heaven?

The Holy Spirit was at work that day, because Rev Treadmill was more excited than an envelope of money in the bank chute.

WEEEE!!!!!  Can I go now??? Huh, huh??? Please!!! I can't wait!!!  I know the drill- keep hands and arms debit card and change inside the ride at all times.  WHOOSH!!!! YIPPEEEE!!!

Clearly you can sense my level of insanity this week.  Can I campaign for a new brain? On another thought, nope.  It's just Katharine.  During a recent movie marathon I discovered two characters that so perfectly portray my marriage:

On the right we have overly logical, sensible, predictable Ryan, and to our left we have a hot mess Katharine: with no rhyme or reason to sudden, frantic speech, sporadic flailing of the arms, bizarre facial expressions, and an overall frenzied demeanor.

Oddly enough, Ryan keeps mentioning that he wants a new suit...

Just like the scene where Tommy Boy destroys a potential customer's model car, some things are just not a good idea.

Like the auto correct feature on my phone.  I've been watching "The Bible" series on the History channel and am really enjoying it.  Last week one of the featured stories was about David and Goliath.  Wanting to read more about that story I googled it on my phone and somehow or another the text became "David and Goliath birthday party."  Can you imagine?

Kids of all ages welcome.  We'll have musical chairs, pin the tail on the donkey, and my personal favorite: whack-a-friend over the head with a large stone.

It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to.

Among the Barbie, Spongebob, and Disney character themes, something tells me you won't find David and Goliath kazoos in the party section of your local store.

What I would do to go back to the good old days of carefree fun and limited responsibility.  The other day I was fondly recalling my fourth grade afternoon regimen of coming home at 4:00, heating a chicken patty in the toaster oven, and watching Legends of the Hidden Temple on Nickelodeon.

For some reason this sent Ryan into a hysterical, laughing fit.  And in hindsight I guess it is pretty hilarious.

GIMME THAT CHICKEN PATTY!!!

I have no qualms about eating a piece of meat that is probably 10% chicken, yet when offered hummus or some other health food I completely refuse.  As Jay says, "just put a golden arch on it and you'll think it's the best. thing. EVER."

One of my very first words was "fry fry" after riding by the golden arches as an infant.  I cannot make this up.  

"Aww, honey, she said "fry fry!"

"But they keep trying to feed me squashed peas!!!"

Without question 2013 is going to be one of the busiest years of my life.  This past Sunday I was so glad to see Karen and Jamie and do a little reunion planning.  Doing "work" with people you enjoy makes for a fun afternoon.

Despite lots of stress and various happenings lately, I was listening to a sermon recently about how the average person can so easily overlook blessings.

• Did you wake up this morning?  Check.
• Were you able to walk to the bathroom and get yourself ready? Check.
• Did you enter a closet with more than one outfit to choose from?  Check, check, check, check, check, check, check, cheeeeeeccccckkkkkk,  che, chec, check, checkity, check.
• Did you have a job to go to?  Yes....
• Did you drive yourself to that job in a climate controlled car?

And this is just a list of blessings from one hour on your average morning.  Do you see where this is going?  Truth be told, I'll categorize a day as "bad" if one misfortunate thing happens, but the fact is that the particular day's blessings probably far outweighed anything negative that took place.

One of my favorite quotes is: "Shared joy is double joy, and shared sorrow is half sorrow."  Share your joy and blessings with someone this week.

Smart Fellas Use Umbrellas

I've always marched to my own beat...and that's putting it mildly...

But what you may not know is that I sometimes make up my own language.  Like last week when Ryan asked me to mail the water bill for the fifth time.

"I need to order more checks." Translation: "I can't find my checkbook."

Between the brushes, punch cards for lunch places, makeup cases, Starburst wrappers, Happy Meal toys, and the myriad of other paraphernalia in my pocketbook, finding that lousy checkbook is as likely as a short line at the DMV.  As a result I've ordered so many checks in my life that surely my Wells Fargo rep must think I write checks for everything...

"Hi, girls, to whom do I make this out?"

I also have a habit of making matter-of-fact statements on any topic.  If it makes sense to me, it has to be true, right?

Mama: "You know, there's a rain deficit in Columbia."

Me: "That's because there are so many hills.  The water runs down them and goes away."

Something tells me this book will be in my stocking this year.

And sometimes life plays tricks on us.  Like the other day when I turned a corner while driving and thought I was the either sudden victim of a BB gun or a large hail storm had come out of nowhere.

The resounding cacophony was actually a bag of cough drops I'd bought a week ago and thought I lost.  They had evidently been hiding in the back seat, and my two wheeled turn sent all 70 cough drops flying toward the door and window...

Hails Halls cough drops.  Soothing throats for decades.  Not so helpful when spilled.

Last weekend was bittersweet.  On Saturday I and many loved ones said goodbye to dear, sweet Jenny Ketner.  She was a beloved mother, sister, wife, teacher, neighbor, friend, and the list goes on.  I was honored to be asked to be a part of her funeral service.  I wouldn't have missed it, and I know that Mrs. Ketner would have been happy to know how much her family is loved and supported.  Our church went above and beyond with a wonderful homemade lunch before the service, and it was wonderful to see everyone, despite the circumstances.

Not only was Mrs. Ketner my art teacher and church leader, but she also had the misfortune opportunity to be my next door neighbor for several years.  I therefore have many Mrs. Ketner stories that I recalled in a tribute during the service:

Mrs. Ketner always had command of her classroom:

Rule #1: No talking with hands, eyes, or eyebrows.  Yes, folks, one day I talked with my eyebrows across the room and got in trouble.  It looked something like this.

After taking a humiliating seat in the corner of room for the remainder of that class, I never did it again.  No one disobeyed in art!

Mrs. Ketner was protective:

One day during a mild storm in Dillon...

I decided to take Jay outside and play.  And not just outside, but on the roof of our house, which was accessible from the upstairs guest room.  (My mother said we were allowed to play "in" the house, and in my mind the roof was still part of the house, so we were technically still in it...)  There I go again rationalizing.  Poor Jay was politely forced to tag along on this one of my many hair brained schemes.  As my mother laid in bed with a stomach virus and my Dad most likely attending a church meeting, Jay and I were frolicking on the rooftop, completing ignoring the TV/radio weather warnings.  That was when Mrs. Jenny Ketner came driving around the circle in her van.

"QUICK, JAY- DUCK!!! Maybe she'll think we're really big birds!"  But Mrs. Ketner didn't miss anything.  Ring ring goes the phone at the Carlson home.  "Ann, I don't know how to tell you this, but there are trees blowing down outside, and Katharine and Jay are on the roof with beach umbrellas..."

Official protective gear for all hazardous weather.

This made for a not so happy Ann Carlson, but were it not for sweet Mrs. Ketner, Jay and I may have blown away that day, never to be seen again. 

 

Mrs. Ketner was welcoming and wanted everyone to feel included:

One summer night in the 90s Lucy and her mother came over as I was packing my overnight bag in anticipation of our sleepover.  As we were walking out the door a very young Jay came in the room dragging his suitcase.  

"Jay, just where do you think you're going?"  the big sister in me snapped.

"I'm going to spend the night with Lucy, too."

Without missing a beat, Mrs. Ketner said to my Mom, "Ann, let him come."

Honestly, how could you say no to this little face?

So the four of us walked over to Lucy's where Jay, Lucy, and I played until 12:00 midnight when Jay decided he was now homesick.  Sweet Mrs. Ketner got out of her bed without complaining and walked Jay back to our house.  "We were so glad to have him.  He is welcome back anytime."  

What a kind, wonderful, loyal, dedicated lady who will be missed by so many but whose Christian legacy will live on!  God bless you, Mrs. Jenny, and your sweet family who I love so dearly!

That evening I was thrilled to spend time with Meagan and Dustin (and get in a squeeze with Noah).  

One of life's greatest joys comes in the form of an Outback buzzer letting you know your table is ready.

Last Sunday afternoon I got to see many of my DCS friends at Christina's baby shower.  We can hardly wait to meet Baby Remmy!

I can't get over how fast this year is flying.  HOW is it already March?  The winter season can seem depressing after Christmas, but luckily the Oscars are one of the season's highlights.  I was so glad to have some fabulous friends over for this auspicious occasion.

 How hilarious is Ryan photo-bombing our picture?

Of course we primarily enjoyed the fashion.  Here are some fashion high (and low) lights from the 2013 Oscars showcase:

Jennifer Lawrence was on several best dressed lists, but before I could see the pattern up close all I could think of was Kleinfeld's...

You look phenomenal, Halle.  I can distinctly hear Michael Jackson's "They Don't Really Care About Us" marching army.

For the record, I LOVE this dress. Color and all, but it did remind me of something...

Somebody is very angry...

Charlize looked amazing.  Straight from the fondant bakery.

Salma Hay  Holiday Barbie anyone?

OBSESSED!!! Amy Adams wore one of my favorite gowns of the night by far.

Straight from "unda da sea" it's Jennifer Hudson.

Spotted from an air craft 800 miles above sea level is Jane Fonda.

May you look forward to the next week in Fashion and Faith.  And always remember, folks, if you fall off a horse on stage while accepting your Oscar, it's best to get back up again.