What Didn't Kill Me

I've started this post about five times.  There just doesn't seem to be a proper way to ease into it.

So, jump it is.

If life throws curve balls, I've been thrown a basket of them...tons of all shapes and sizes.  My mother has always said that you can't control what happens to you, but you can control how you react.

I wonder how many times in my life I've made people laugh (and I'm not talking about the times when it was by accident).  Truly, it's something that I - in part- believe I was put here to do.  To be a light in the darkness and to bring joy to others when it's most needed.  And in six years on this blog I've aimed to do just that.

But tonight is going to be different.

This is a story of pitfalls.  A story of the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.  They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

So this is what didn't kill me.

I'll start by saying that I am FULLY aware of my blessings.  Completely.  I have two happy and healthy children, a community of people who love me and would do anything for me...and my husband and family.  For all of these things and more I give the utmost thanks and praise.  We need to be careful about complaining, because as I have learned and continue to learn: things can always get worse.

But I believe that shared joy is double joy, and shared sorrow is half a sorrow.  And I've experienced a mountain of sorrow.  There have been days recently when my heart was so heavy that I've thought it would sink through the floor, and yet I know that there are so many others experiencing even deeper loss or grief.  To those people I say that I feel so much compassion and empathy for you.  And although we may experience different types of sadness we can find ways to be there for one another and hold on to greater promises.

Here's a glimpse of the path I've been down and the realization that my entire maternity leave was laden with tragedy...but also how He he has been working in and through so many situations.  Thank God for a happy, healthy boy and his sunshine of a sister despite all the chaos. They are the roses among many thorns.

Sickness
My recovery after birth was not easy having three bladder infections back to back.  This can get extremely dangerous if your body stops responding to antibiotics, so that was no walk in the park, to say the least.  These infections made me feel terrible, run high fever, and threw me for an absolute loop, but at the end of the day I was thankful that the sickness was only temporary.   And while we're on that subject something hit me.   I've had several family members and loved ones that were diagnosed with cancer and other illnesses.  This type of news can be devastating and rock your world. We tend to want to put things in boxes and say, "Well at least such and such disease isn't terminal."  Because of Jesus, every sickness and illness is temporary.  Let me make sure that message is heard loud and clear.

BECAUSE OF JESUS, EVERY SICKNESS AND ILLNESS IS TEMPORARY!!!

Can I get a hallelujah!??!

As Believers, we will all be healed.  Whether that's on earth or in eternity is not for us to know just yet.  This is why I'm confident that the workings of the Master are ultimately for our good.  So I want to put something else in perspective.  Imagine that you woke up on a moving bus, looked out of the window, and had no clue where you were headed.  Maybe it was stormy outside.  Maybe you couldn't even see through the fog.  But you looked up front and saw that Jesus was driving that bus.  Would you trust the fact that He was at the wheel, or would you (admittedly, like me) flail your arms in an emergency-like motion mid aisle and say, "HEY! JESUS! OVER HERE! Have you forgotten about me?!?  Where are we going?  I'm really worried!  Is that a detour up there?  ARE WE THERE YET!??"

And Jesus would probably refrain from pressing the button with the separating shield and shake His head.  "My child, my child.  Can you please take your seat?  I'm taking you where you need to go."  

"Where I want you to go."

So take a seat and trust.  When the ride gets bumpy remember who's driving.  Not only is He driving, but you're on a path that He created.  He will not lead you to destruction.

The Daddy Debacle
This journey began in 2011 and resurfaced in a frightening way.  Five days after my Dad walked me down the aisle he had a heart attack.  Ryan and I had just gotten back from our honeymoon when we got the call.  He ended up having triple bypass surgery a month later.  He has checkups on his heart every six months to this day.  This past June he had an ICD put in to regulate his heart. The last checkup revealed that while his heart was weakening he was to simply continue his medicine and see what happened.

And here's what happened.

Over the past few weeks he'd occasionally tell us that his heart hurt (usually during a stressful situation).  We would therefore do everything we could to try and keep things stress free for him.  On Friday night, November 3rd he went to bed around 9:00 pm, which was completely unlike him.  Because we were staying over there I took both kids upstairs so he'd have uninterrupted sleep.  He emerged from the room a little after 7:00 am, and I was so encouraged about his rest until he told me he had tossed and turned all night.  My efforts had failed.  He had no energy that day and said he felt weak and nauseous.  His breathing was also labored.  My Mom and I tried to talk him into going to the doctor, and he finally agreed, but since it was Saturday he would have to wait until Monday to see a regular doctor.  Why do these things always seem to happen on the weekend?

One of my great friends texted me that afternoon to see how I was doing after my latest bladder infection, and I told her I was fine but rattled off my Dad's symptoms.  Her husband (a doctor) was with her at the time and said that these could be very serious and to go to the ER if they persisted.

That was it, and no time was wasted.  To save you from reading a novel, here is a synopsis of what we were about to endure.

1. An ER visit and all kinds of testing.  The on-call doctor determined that the right part of his heart wasn't working properly, and an echocardiogram would be done on Monday to determine next steps.

2.  Sunday, November 5th:  I cried and cried while telling so many people at church what was going on.  And yet there were so many unanswered questions.  We visited him after church and called him later that night to see if he needed any clothes while we were at home.  He gasped into the phone and said he couldn't breathe and needed help immediately.

3.  We flew back to the hospital as nurses rushed in.  The doctor also arrived (who I happen to know, along with many of his family; he was fantastic).  All kinds of tests were run.  They were still going to wait for the echocardiogram.  My Dad was vomiting and in pain "worse than his heart attack."  We were crying.  Dr. Wallace told us he thought it was an arrhythmia and that he'd be okay but needed to see a cardiologist who could assess him and determine what needed to be done.  My Dad was given morphine and other medicine to calm down and was placed in ICU.

4. The next day he was transported two hours away to his cardiologist.  My Mom and I sobbed and prayed in the car before she got in the ambulance with him.  Neither of us said it out loud, but we feared that we would be planning a funeral service right before Thanksgiving.  It was that bad.

5. His cardiologist saw him within five minutes of arriving and said he was going to be perfectly fine; it was indeed an arrhythmia and he needed an ablation.

6. The combination of anesthesia after his morphine (we think) made him develop psychosis after the ablation surgery.  When we came to see him that night he was yelling, trying to kick us, telling me to shut up and get away from him, you name it.  According to him we were all trying to hurt him; the nursing staff included.  When I checked with the nurse the next morning she told me (nonchalantly) that he could have had a blood clot to the brain and a permanent personality disorder.  No joke.  My Mom and I were devastated.

7.  His personality came back after about 36 hours, but he was still very confused, his breathing was still labored, and he could barely sit up.  His quality of life was not going to be good at that rate. The doctors were hesitant to operate on him again because they weren't sure if the condition warranted it. Plus, his reaction to anesthesia was concerning.  But as the eternal days ticked on they did a heart cath and determined that he needed a valve replacement.  And they would do it without any anesthesia.

8.  I was as nervous as could possibly be during that procedure.  There were so many hours and days spent waiting for results and talking with staff about options.  It was a rollercoaster of emotions that I never again want to experience.  And yet through it all I was reminding myself that people die suddenly all the time with no warning.  Every step and milestone was a chance: a chance that not everyone has.  I was taking my seat on the aforementioned bus.

9.  My Dad was released from the hospital the Saturday before Thanksgiving.  To have him sitting at our table was one of the greatest blessings I could have imagined.

This entire ordeal was two weeks long, and those were some of the most painful and excruciating days of my life.  And yet I know full well that to others, two weeks is nothing.  Some experience these kinds of things for months or years on end.  God has His hands wrapped around these people.  I believe that with all my heart.

During those days I remember thinking of the "at leasts."  At least my Dad was able to walk me down the aisle at my wedding.  At least he was able to meet my children and see Jay get married.  If this was the end, I could only be grateful and count my blessings.

But our God is bigger than a damaged heart valve and congestive heart failure, and deep down in my heart (despite the paralyzing anxiety) I KNEW that He wasn't finished with my Dad yet.  There was more work here to be done.

It's so easy to say that God is good and faithful when He answers our prayers in the way we want.  If my Dad's arrhythmia had been the end for him would it have meant that He was less faithful?  Absolutely not.   Every one of our lives will end, but not knowing when is how you can make each day count.

Looking back I see two major lessons in this situation.  The week before this started I specifically prayed/asked about how to fully put on the whole armor of God.  And each day that I would update friends and loves ones I received tons of messages with scripture helping me do just that.

Among the TONS of advice I received, one amazing friend Becky reminded me not to get caught up in the "what ifs."  Because that's just Satan talking.  And that is so true.

"What if there's nothing else they can do for Daddy?"
"What if his breathing doesn't improve?"
"What if his quality of life will force him to live in a special home from now on?"

It was kind of like having the electricity cut off in your house.  Although I "know" that it's off I don't realize how much I use it until I enter each room and flip the lights on eight times/turn on the stove and television, etc.

It wasn't until I tried to turn off the "what ifs" that I realized just how many sentences in my head started with those two words.  And for me- and my imagination- those words were toxic.

I am making a specific effort to stop myself when my mind wanders to "what if" and change my frame of thinking to "AT LEAST".  This simple phrase could change and uplift so many spirits.

As a reminder, the whole reason my Dad went to the hospital in the first place was because my friend Becky texted to check on me after yet another bladder infection.  And the rest is history.

God used MY sickness to save my Dad.  Isn't that incredible?

I-Don't-Even-Have-A-Title-For-This-One
There is a very close member of my family battling what we believe are the beginning stages of dementia.  It came on suddenly and is one of the worst cases I've witnessed. This family member has called me multiple times and accused me of stealing out of her house and threatened to sue.  What she's accused me of taking isn't even of monetary value; they're pictures of her father and grandfather.  We think that she put them in a special place and forgot where that place was.  And then blamed me.

She has said that she is through with me, doesn't even want to be near me, and never wants to see me again.  She says that I'm sick and need psychological help. (Need I even deny these claims?)  She also says that I'm a horror and terror to the family and that I've destroyed her.  Are you ready for this?

The person I'm talking about is my last living grandparent, Wendy.  Dealing with this for the past two months has been an absolute nightmare.  When she had surgery for her fractured hip, went to rehab, and came home something completely snapped.  They say that people in old age lash out to the ones closest to them, which would be me.  I visited them all the time, brought food and meals, would sit and talk with them, bring Emerson over, you name it.  And now all of those things have come to a crashing halt. Because of the mountain of stress I've been under my family jointly decided that I needed to block her number for the time being and remove myself from the situation.  She has completely made the scenario up in her head, but to her it's real.  No matter what anyone says.

Just a few weeks ago my parents came by hoping for a smooth and quick conversation (they have been helping her with all kinds of legal things since Papa's death).  Let's not forget that I lost my one and only grandfather when Landon was one week old.  I'm still grieving and was dealing with that reality before any of the other madness.  And granted, I know that his passing was hard on her, too.  They were married 65 years, and she was holding his hand when he died.



Anyway, this particular afternoon my grandmother told my parents that she had a pile of things she wanted to get rid of in the house.  That pile of things was every last picture of me.  She wants me completely out of her life.

How do you define heartbreak?

People tell me that she's not in her right mind and that this isn't really "her" talking.  And that's partly true.  But to be honest- she did always have a mean streak; it just wasn't toward me.  And now it's taken a turn for the worst.

I grew up strongly believing- and living by- the saying: "never go to bed angry."  But this situation has taught me a lot.  Sometimes you need to let things blow over.  Sometimes silence is a form of speaking.  Sometimes you have to wait for the good and remember that we see things only as they happen, and God sees the entire picture and puzzle.

So I've had to hold on to this quote: "Everything is alright in the end.  If it's not alright, then it's not the end."  Things are definitely not okay with my grandmother.  With Christmas literally right around the corner I would have done everything in my power to make the first Christmas without Papa still a special and memorable one for her.   But this situation has ruined that.  I am dead to her.

How do I even grieve this?  She's my last living grandparent.  She's not even gone, but yet to me she is.  Jay is the only person in our family that she's on speaking terms with.  She's still alive, but I have lost her.

I thank God for Ryan's grandmother, Mattie, who is so wonderful and good and has never said an unkind thing to me.

Oh, Nanny.  I still love you.  I have notes on my phone of several things that I want to say to you.  Every time I think of something else I write it down because I don't want to forget it.   I don't understand why it has come to this.  I would do anything for you.  And no matter what you think of me I'll always remember the good times.   My wedding, the summers by the pool, the Monopoly games, the snacks you'd sneak for us in the middle of the night, the trips, the laughs.  All of it.  If I had known how things would end I still wouldn't have traded those memories with you.

I haven't seen or spoken to my grandmother in over two months.  And all I can hope and pray for is that this ISN'T the end.

Your mind may be swirling with questions.  Yes, my parents and brother have looked for the things she says I've taken.  They can't find them.  They think she hid them and doesn't remember.  Yes, my Dad (her son) stood up for me during the accusations, and she turned on him, too, saying that he and my Mom are enablers.

Well at least you know that she loves the Lord, right?  I'm not even sure how to answer that.  I'm going to be as completely honest and raw as I can.  My family has never been clear on where my grandmother stands spiritually.  She has mentioned a million times that being good and doing good things gets one into Heaven.  She has never had a home church (not that this saves a person's soul, but it does express a degree of sincerity).  She hasn't attended a church service that I can recall in well over 12 years.

But again- I have prayed tirelessly over her Salvation.  Papa accepted the Lord at 85.  My grandmother is 86 right now.  The only thing I can imagine is that this must be part of the path to intervention.

Satan has ripped at my family like you wouldn't believe, and yet I know that so many others are experiencing pain and heartache on much deeper levels.  I do not want to complain; I want to stand in the valley with those people.

All of these things happened in just a short time, and it's just the majority of what has transpired.

So how do I tie all this up and make it worth your read and time?  I know this, and maybe it will speak to you, too.

1) This season of life has made me stronger than I ever imagined.  Are harder things going to happen at some point?  Sure.  If you walk bare footed outside your feet get callouses; there comes a point when they can endure the terrain.  In that same way, your heart can handle more than you thought.

2) It has made me realize that nothing surprises God.  He is STILL working for the good of his children.  I looked at my Mom at one point during the hospital stay and said, "You know what?  There is absolutely nothing that doctor can tell us that God doesn't already know."  HE is in complete control, and we HAVE to trust.  That's not just a suggestion; it's a command.

3) Trials are an opportunity to spread your witness.  When you're enduring a painful situation there are a lot of eyes on you.  There are many people watching and waiting to see you handle it with grace or fall on your face.  Yes, I'm aware that that rhymed.   Remember Job who had everything in his life taken away and still didn't denounce Jesus.  So many things can be taken from us, but our witness and influence can sometimes have the greatest impact when we're going through rough waters.

4) It has made me aware of the dirt.  With our house still being on the market (insert angry/frustrated emoji here) there have been many days before a showing when I'd just shove things in beds and closets in a hurry.  I didn't "deal" with those things.  This is what happens when we know there is sin or something in our lives that we need to address but neglect it.  That stuff piles up.  My closet shelves and area underneath my bed were disaster zones.

But do you know what has to happen in order to clean things properly?  EVERYTHING must come out; the good, the bad, and the ugly.  All of it.  Right there for you to see.

Some of the things go in piles:  giveaway, keep, put in storage, etc.

And some of life's big things need to go in "stay" or "keep" piles, too: toxic relationships or friendships, things that don't matter, top priorities (children, mortgage being paid, etc.)

The process is messy.

But don't you realize that in order to be put together you sometimes have to fall apart first?

We're in a huge game of chess, and we don't know the next move.

5) It has reminded me that I am not alone.  WE are not alone.  God created Eve so that Adam would have a life partner and companion.  Look around.  Look at the people He has put in your life and path.  He gave us each other.  So don't hold grudges and don't jump to quick judgment, because you have no idea what anyone else is going through.  I'd trade so many other qualities in a person for genuine empathy.  It will get you so far in life and help you reach so many more people.

Trials will also bring to light the many people that love and support you and will be happy to give you a shoulder to cry on and ear to listen, especially on the days when you have so much to pray about that you don't know where to start.

As we enter another Christmas season we are reminded that what is a happy time for many people is also a time of reflection and sadness for others.  Just know that the darkest room makes it easier to see pinpoints of light.  Hope is not lost.

Through it all and in my deepest despair my heart was still beating.

The earth was still turning.

The sun was still shining.

The hardest season of my life made me stronger, so whatever you're dealing with and whoever or whatever is hurting you...

It can't kill YOU either.

Shop, Drop, & Roll!

Christmas, Thanksgiving, Halloween....these all have one thing in common.  They are big occasions that call for celebration once a year.  For me, Emerson's Birthday falls in this category.

(Jesus's birth is without question the MOST important, but you get where I'm going).

Several people said they assumed I'd do something low key this year since I had just given birth six weeks ago.

I mean, what was I supposed to do?  Buy her a Snickers bar at Sav-Way and call it a day?

Months ago Emerson decided on a theme for this year's bash: Shopkins.  What are they, exactly?  They're everything you can think of.  There are hundreds of them.  Little pieces.  I have the midnight scars on my feet to prove it.  

They're little items that you can find in any store- everything from strawberries and apples to donuts and lace-up shoes.  And I ask myself...why didn't I think of these?

In previous years I've worked on Birthday projects for months in advance; not this time.  With our house on the market and everything else under the sun happening I can honestly say that aside from ordering a few supplies online the actual preparation didn't start until two weeks before the party...which is completely out of the ordinary for yours truly.

Before heading out to a Biltmore wedding, Emerson and I were making Shopkins from scratch with poster board and paint.

But I figure it this way; if Khloe Kardashian can throw a wedding together in nine days I could certainly give Emerson the party of her dreams in fourteen.

The object?  To turn my parents' house into a marketplace.

The hurdles?  They would soon be coming on in full force.

Thursday, October 26th

AGAIN? Are you kidding me?  I was almost certain this was my third bladder infection since Landon was born.  I called my doctor, and this time they prescribed a stronger antibiotic since I'm not breastfeeding anymore.  Every four hours like clockwork I would shiver and shake and had to sit by the heater or in the bathtub for at least an hour.  My fever was almost 103 two nights in a row.  The next day my Mom had me call the doctor first thing.  They wanted me to be seen immediately.

Long story short I ended up being whisked away to the lab of a local doctor's office where they took tremendous (and FAST) care of me.  The symptoms I was having (per the five minute medical degree I attained online whilst reading medical blogs and message boards) all pointed me to a frightening possibility: blood poisoning?!?!?  I was crying on the phone to my Mom and saying that I have two children who need me, and she in turn was fussing at me for not listening and waiting so late to go to the doctor.  I accepted the possibility that I may very well be admitted to the hospital.

By the grace of GOD ABOVE they determined that although I wasn't septic my white blood count was still 17,000 with my current antibiotic.  Translation? They needed to bring out the big guns.  

Meet my new friend Levaquin.

#PartySupplyStrong

My wonderful doctor told me I was very sick and that over the course of the next few days I needed to conserve any extra energy and rest so that my body could fight the infection.

"....But Emerson's Birthday party is tomorrow."

He just shook his head.  Apparently I have a bad reputation when it comes to not resting?

If I finish the balloon banner at 9:57 and the life-size figures at 10:32, that should put me resting at 10:45 on the dot.

But it's super hard to MAKE yourself rest...am I right?

GO TO SLEEP NOW, WOMAN!!! YOU'RE GETTING OFF SCHEDULE!

I make the Road Runner look like a snail.  But that's just the way I operate.

One thing was for sure, though; it was going to take some recruiting of extra help in order to pull this off.  Meet the cast of this year's Birthday bonanza.

Poppy & Nana

You just can't beat these two.  They are the wind beneath my wings.  They make themselves available any time of day (or night).  They are two of the most phenomenal souls that walk this planet.  From last minute errands to hauling supplies/watching the children/taking me on Sam's trips...  You name it; they've done it.  We'll call them the party pillars.

Dorothy. Shuttleworth.  

Only one of the greatest friends that the Lord could have ever given me.  I say this with 100% certainty: on the eighth day, God created Dorothy.  She is convinced that she didn't do much to help me, but she watched both kids during the preparation, had tons of little ideas here and there that made things easier/make more sense, she was constantly getting me organized, and she was here until 10:00 the night before and 7:00 am on the morning of the party just to make things possible.  Dorothy, one in a million doesn't do you justice; you're one in infinity.

The Birthday Girl

She was as hands-on as you could get, and every time we would finish something else she'd exclaim, "Oh, it's so beautiful, Mommy.  I love your decorations for my party."  It was the sweetest, most precious thing.

Special, Featured Guests

Thank you to Susan and Dean for coordinating and hauling tons of tables and chairs.  Could I ever repay them?  We'll start with some baby snuggles.

Decorating had a bit of a different view this year with a brand new baby boy.  He stayed in the carrier while I did lots of work.

Must I remind you that every 3-4 hours I would shake on the floor with fever and have to take more medicine?  "What about the b-b-balloons?!"  I'd ask.  

I knew it was coming when I'd get the first chill.  And then, there was nothing I could do about it but try to get warm.

"Hi, Dominos?  I need to order eight pizzas for this Saturday.  Yes, I'm aware that my voice sounds muffled..."

The night before the party I wanted to get as much done as possible and put my extra large Shopkins characters on wooden poles.  So at 9:30 that night as I had another sick spell I had my mother and Dorothy outside digging holes in the yard.

What was this; an episode of Pretty Little Liars!?

#pArty

Meanwhile I was inside shivering with a pair of pants tied around my neck for warmth.

#pAnting

Emerson had even gotten used to our heater dates on my parents' bathroom floor.

And little man joined us some, too.

My attempt at going to sleep the night before was virtually futile; I don't know if the medicine had me jacked up or what, but at one point I looked in the mirror and completely resembled Taylor's zombie look.

#LookWhatYouMadeMeDo

I'm pretty sure she wasn't singing about party decorating, but it could totally apply.

The biggest challenge about having a party outside is that there are so many things you can't set up until the morning of.  I learned last year that morning dew means morning DEW NOT decorate too early, because everything will get wet and nasty.

And that's not a good combination.

In case you're wondering, my scarf that morning was a pair of Emerson's cat pants.

Ready or Not...

Last year my Dad started assigning storm categories to these parties.  ONEderland was a category four, with Emerson's Mickey Mouse Clubhouse not too far behind.  We learned a lot with Sheriff Callie, but we could never have predicted the perfect storm of events that would take place just before this one.  

So with a 103 fever, 2.5 days, and a few recruits, here was the finished product.  

Guests were welcomed with a grocery cart, because what else would be appropriate?

The cake table and backdrop were my pride and joy.  Few things are as fabulous as balloon banners, and I blew every single one of these up by mouth the weekend before.

THAT. CAKE!  Karen Lane, as always, did an unbelievable job.  And it was some of the most delicious cake I've ever had.  

The banner...  I used to make banners all the time at my Mom's library.  They were black and white, and I had to pull the holes off the sides afterwards.

Fortunately banners have come a long way over the years, and I decided to make one from scratch.  I took a piece of white poster board and drew a grocery cart as best as I could.  Then I used my Cricut for some letters and found some Shopkins photo booth props.  I was completely thrilled with the finished product.

Emerson's Shopkins Market

I also rented a popcorn machine for that extra special something.  Plus, there is a Shopkins popcorn character named Poppy the Popcorn.  Now that would have made a hilarious costume.

Kids love hitting things, and they also love candy.  So this year I thought a pinata would be perfect.  Dorothy helped me create a little sweets area with puff balls.  And while we were up there on ladders she reminded me that I was currently on an antibiotic that she gives to her critical care patients. 

#TisTheSeason

These are the massive Shopkins that Emerson and I made.  She loved them!  Dorothy and I quickly realized that we weren't tall enough to stack all seven of them on the light pole (I dispensed with the idea of digging our own holes), so we put four to greet people as they walked in and put the rest in the pinata area.

And since there would be kids of all ages I made sure to have plenty for them to do in addition to the bounce house.

Balloons are SO VITAL to a party; they're floating pieces of happiness.  I found some fruit balloons that I thought were adorable, and confetti balloons?!  An absolute must.  Dorothy was pouring in the confetti, and Emerson looked at her and said, "This balloon has beans all in it."  Hahahaha.

I wanted to do something dramatic for the gift table and remembered that I had this princess tent.  Since it was so hot last year I wanted people to be in the shade, so I put the tent and gift table under a huge tree in the backyard.  It came together perfectly!

I found these little halloween costumes for $15 each at Walmart, and you would have thought that I'd bought a replica of Diana's wedding dress.  She was thrilled with these donut and popcorn outfits like you wouldn't believe.

The party favor table!!!  I was so happy with the way this turned out.  I wanted it to look like the kids were shopping at a market for their favors, so I cut an awning out of poster board, and the idea came to life.

There were Shopkins snacks, ring pops, bracelets, tattoos, note pads, sunglasses, tops, stickers.  You name it!  It was a little kids' Shopkins Heaven.

This banner took forever to inflate and string together, but it gave the outside that extra special touch.  I think my fever was down to 99.5 here.

When I decide to do something or want something done, there is literally nothing that will get in my way.

A broken arm?  I'd use the other one.

Being hospitalized?  This one would be a bit tricky, but I could feasibly Facetime my family to make sure the banners were hanging evenly and the balloons were properly spaced.

Being six feet under?  Taylor said it best: "Honey I rose up from the dead; I do it all the time."  And floating might actually make the preparation go faster.

For me, it's important that Emerson enjoys herself in the moment, and it's about what she will remember.  She still talks about her party from last year.  When I'm rocking in my chair decades from now I will be satisfied.  If that makes me crazy, so be it.

Just before the party Emerson jumped in the ball pit and looked around at everything we had done.  There is something so sweet about this picture.

Decorations are key, but it's the guests that really make it whole!

We had guests from infancy to over 80 years old, and they all had a grand old time!

The looks on the kids' faces made it all worth it, and seeing Emerson's excitement and how she interacted with everyone that came really warmed my heart.  Or was it time to sit by the heater again?

One thing I noted for future reference is that there needs to be a LINE to show kids where to stand behind the pinata.  We were almost certain that someone was going to get smacked in the head with the stick.  Fortunately, that did not occur.

At six weeks old Landon was the youngest party guest and was on his best behavior.  He is sweeter than all the Birthday presents in the world, and we're so glad that he's here.

There were enough sugar and carbs to have fed the 5,000 people from the Bible story.  I mean what would you rather have; bread and fish or an unlimited supply of junk food?  

To all the parents whose children slept like rocks later, I took one for the team to make that happen.

Emerson got the most wonderful gifts!  Every day she plays with something new, and she adores everything she got.  We have some of the most generous friends and family.  We love you all so much! 

Emerson's favorite movie character right now is Rapunzel, so my gift to her was a recorded version of "I See the Light," the movie's theme song, with video clips from the past year.  If I could buy time, I would!!!

Here is one of our happy shoppers, Audrey.  

I think Huth means "help" in another language, because this family stayed and helped us clean up until late in the afternoon.   They are SO wonderful, and I think Emerson and Bekah enjoyed themselves just a little, too, even if Emerson did rear-end her in the Minnie Mouse car.  Fortunately the cops nor the insurance company had to be involved.

So that is our fourth Birthday story, and she's still having another little shindig next weekend with her daycare and Columbia friends.  My parents are suggesting (yet again) that we go to the mountains or on a trip next year.  We shall see.  As my Dad was helping me carry the 100th thing I made a comment that we can use such and such for Landon's first Birthday.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that."

But when Emerson is old enough to realize it and look back on her memories, I want her to say one thing....

"Mama, you put the 'happy' in my Birthday."