Scenarios that result in Katharine's frozen face:
Tries to save money. Sees a Michael Kors bag on sale.
Eats healthy for one day. Spots bakery section in Bi-Lo.
Reads political debates on the internet.
Sits down at Outback. Kid poops his or her pants.
*This one is hypothetical...or is it?
Ahh, Thanksgiving. The time of year where we - hopefully - put our differences aside and focus on togetherness and eating. What could possibly go wrong?
On November 20th I took part in the community Thanksgiving Service, where (among other things) I accompanied Kathryn Bumgardner on the piano while she sang "Eagles Wings" just before her husband preached. They are staples in the community, and beloved John will be retiring from 34 years in the ministry at the end of the year. Emotions were high, but they both did a tremendous job!
After coming back to our house to finish meetings and work, etc. we were super excited about spending several days with our extended family, so we endured a little traffic on the way home.
On Wednesday we took over Webster's with a gang of girls!!! It was absolutely delicious, and we met baby Hazel for the first time. Emerson and Audrey became inseparable.
In case you're wondering what happened to Emerson's pants...
It went sort of like this.
She's been an absolute potty pro, but I guess the food at Webster's was too good to leave the table and find a bathroom. My Mom and I escorted her around the restaurant like penguins to find a toilet, but it was too late; the river of life had already run down both legs and soaked her pants. We ended up using the bathroom of one of the bed and breakfast guests. I know this because I found a few belongings and a charging cell phone on the counter. Poops. Oops.
That night Emerson noticed my gold nail polish and said, "Will you paint mine like yours, Mommy?" Wish granted. This was such a special first moment.
She now says that "boys have beards and girls have nail polish." Hahaha.
In order to keep her entertained during all of the cooking Thanksgiving morning I downloaded Snapchat. It MADE the day. It was so funny, so hilarious, so....just see for yourself. We even got several family members in on it.
...because who doesn't want to be the sun???
...or downright frightening.
Flower children
What's not normal about vomiting rainbows?
And the super disturbing face swap between Ryan and me had one of us looking like Jesus.
This last one may have made me laugh the hardest.
#WhosYourGranny?
Thanksgiving Day was just wonderful, even though a chunk of my heart named Jay was in a state far away. But he and my soon-to-be sister in law had an all carbs/veggies Thanksgiving of their own. Made from scratch.
The Johnsons are always such wonderful hosts for our lunch!
That evening was the Carlson Thanksgiving. The table was set, the main course and sides were all prepared, and everyone was in a good mood. Put a few credits on the screen, and you'd have the opening scene of a Hallmark movie.
So that it would be served hot, my Dad saved the turkey cutting for last. He was having a hard time sawing and contorting his arms in such a way to get more leverage to cut through the bird. My Mom chalked this up to the fact that the electric knife they got as a wedding gift broke years ago, and they just hadn't bothered to replace it.
"Almost got it, Ann. Who else wants a piece?"
Right around 6:30 that evening we gathered around the table to say a prayer. JUST as my Dad started to pray a scene from the National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation burst onto the TV (I had it playing in the kitchen while we were cooking and forgot it was on). It was the moment where the outdoor lights came on and the whole neighborhood screams and knocks over things. Not to mention the orchestra. We died at this; you just had to be there.
"Father, thank you for this foo-..."
One mute button and blessing later, we began to feast. My Dad was sweating from his poultry workout. I started with the potatoes and then made my way to the turkey. I took a hearty bite.
It was literally like chewing rubber.
Thanksgiving buffet...
Try to imagine chewing one of those Stretch Armstrong toys you had as a kid. It was kind of like that.
My poor parents had slaved away all day to make this meal, and I wasn't going to be the one to break the silence and inquire about the chewy turkey, so I pushed mine to the side of my plate and went on to the next thing. I looked around carefully. Ryan, who always eats his meat first, was eating dressing. Hmmm. Then I saw my Dad chiseling away at his...and finally he broke the silence.
"What is WROHNG with this TUH-KEY?!" - in my best New York accent
Whew! He broke the ice, so now we all could talk about it.
"I don't KNOW, Randy."
"It tastes very rubbery."
"My jaw hurts."
At least we had plenty of sides. During the power outage last month my parents traveled with lots of food to put in our freezer, and my Mom thinks that freezing and unfreezing the turkey several times had something to do with it. Nonetheless, this year's bird will go down in history.
"I did not ask to be part of this narrative."
It's awesome to have Joy's parents so close to us, because at some point every day, sweet Audrey and Emerson would ask about each other. They were precious and had a blast together.
"So how old do they have to be for their first sleepover?" Heather and I asked, each hoping the other would agree to take on night duty. Emerson loved new baby Hazel, and they both gave her lots of love and attention...until I saw Joy's Dad sneak in the kitchen and cut a piece of chocolate layer cake. Completely not thinking I gasped out loud, "Oh, I want a piece of CAKE, too!!!"
Way to go, Katharine. Now both of them had to have cake, or else. They enjoyed every last bite, and it was hilarious to watch.
On Friday my parents and I took Emerson shopping. We only went to two stores-Belk and Toys R' Us- but my goodness, were we exhausted afterwards.
Try to balance boxes of shoes and clothes, push a stroller, AND shop. At times I think it's unfair that God gave an octopus eight legs and not mothers.
"Can you PLEASE wait a minute! I only have four sets of hands." -OctoMom
Almost instantly we came upon a massive display of 2016 Belk bears. The one in the middle stood at about ten feet tall and was a mere $600. A few moments later I showed it to Emerson, and she said, "That's a scary bear."
"That bear isn't scary! Why would you say that?" I asked, worried that she had been terrorized.
"I told her it was scary," my Mom piped up. "For $600, that price frightened me!"
Oh, Ann...
After a fun train ride where we almost took out some pedestrians at Bath & Body works we spotted the Chick-Fil-A cow. Emerson absolutely loved him. After we ate we had to go back and hug him goodbye.
THEN we went to see Santa, and let's just say last time that didn't go so well. This particular day she thought he was lovely.
There's a saying that all good things come to an end. I looked at the clock and knew nap time was approaching. Plus, Emerson had a full belly from lunch. You know those people at mall kiosks that have all of their toys operating so everyone can see? We passed one of those, and Emerson stopped when she saw a squeaking dog.
"Mine."
There were about forty people around us. She was trying to run away with the pup, and there I was wrestling with the stroller, my purse, etc. My parents were there, too, but we felt helpless, because none of us wanted to utter the terrible words, "Put it back." Usually I make up a story about how the animal needs to go back to sleep on the shelf, sit next to his friend, go to therapy, etc...and it almost always works. But not this time. That squeaking dog was hers, and she made a colossal mistake by throwing herself on the floor, kicking and screaming.
I may be a pushover occasionally, but not this time...
My Dad and I both tried to unsuccessfully pick her up from the floor, but she would flip between stiffening her body like a karate board and flailing about like an electrocuted worm. That's when we noticed that my Mom was nowhere to be found. Sneaky Ann fled the scene of the crime and was standing calmly a few yards away as if she didn't wish to claim us.
"Let's go, Emerson. People are staring."
I had several things to focus on:
1) Make absolutely no eye contact with anyone around
2) Wrestle her off the floor while praying that no one was posting this on YouTube
3) Get her out of the door and as far away from the mall as possible
"But, that's MY dog! WAAAAAAAHHHH!"
I may be the fun Mom, but make no mistake. I cannot reinforce that type of behavior, even if it would make her quiet. Because you know what? Getting your way for throwing a fit turns kids into self righteous adults who expect everything handed to them. It's a small price to pay be embarrassed briefly.
Within five minutes Emerson was asleep in the car. The episode was over. My Dad took her home while my Mom and I went back in the mall, flustered and gasping. What just happened?!? In case you're wondering, we went in a different entrance, cut our hair, and swapped clothes. I'm only halfway kidding.
"Think they'll notice us, Mama?"
"Just hush and don't look suspicious."
"Just hush and don't look suspicious."
For sale: toddler doorbusters at Belk. Bring your own straightjacket.
#IKid
The next morning we returned to our normal selves and helped host a baby shower for Lindsey. She and Blair are expecting a baby girl!
Emerson also had a blast at AWANA the past couple of Sunday nights.
I'll be perfectly honest when I say that I get depressed when holidays are over. This Thanksgiving was so meaningful and special that the Monday afterward had me in such a funk. Then I realized...don't shortchange those days. EACH day is a blessing. Someone can't get up and walk today. Someone would give anything to be in your shoes. Don't take days like December 26th for granted just because all the fun is over. Every day is equally important, so when you put your head on your pillow at night, be sure to number all of your blessings...and I'm not talking about the thread count in your sheets.
