But you know the deal by now...any story of mine is going to be full of chaos and completely out of the ordinary.
I am the Dory in a sea of goldfish...
the chihuahua in the library...
and the foghorn at a funeral.
This is the story of when Columbia, SC and Phoenix, AZ met face to face.
Of course I waited until the night before to pack almost two weeks worth of belongings. Have you seen me pack for one WEEKEND???
Fortunately I had Emerson's help picking out which jewelry to bring. The problem is that she wasn't too happy when I had to take those necklaces off of her to actually pack them.
Layering accessories is key.
I finished packing my suitcase somewhere around 12:00 midnight the night before, and after mustering all my strength to zip it closed, it dawned on me that I was going to have to carry the thing downstairs. That wasn't smart thinking on my part. How much did that suitcase weigh, anyway?
The truth is that I wasn't the least bit nervous about starting the new job and had even come to terms with the fact that I'd be away from my family for a little while; I was afraid of navigating around the airport solo.
Mama and I arrived at the airport almost two hours early for my flight. I rolled and dragged my suitcase at a glacial pace across the seemingly endless parking lot, surprised that we actually found our way into the airport without a hitch, parked successfully, and located the correct terminal. What else could go wrong?
There were about 30 people in line to check their bags and get tickets. One thing was for sure; there was no way my massively obnoxious zebra suitcase was going to get mixed up with anyone else's luggage. If everyone else's belongings were that of a boat, mine was the Titanic.
"We're going to need backup, boys."
I held onto my ID and trip itinerary like my life depended on it and finally made it to the front of the line. My instructions said to fly from Columbia to Dallas and then from Dallas to Phoenix.
"I'm sorry, but all of our Dallas flights are delayed. We can't get you to Phoenix today," said the airline attendant with the emotion of a London guard. That was it. No flights available; no questions asked. "NEXT!"
Tears welled up in my eyes as I frantically motioned for my mother to come over in a desperate attempt for help. "Mamaaaaaa," I said with the distress of a little kid when no one showed up to their Birthday party, "she said that they can't get me there!"
"It's okay, honey. We'll see what they can do, and you'll just have to explain this to your new boss." HOW CAN I NOT SHOW UP ON THE FIRST DAY!?!?
YOU'RE FIRED!
In an absolute miracle of circumstances they somehow rerouted a lady in front of me so that I could get to Phoenix. I didn't know what was going on and hadn't ask them to do this, but it was done, and I approached that lady and thanked her profusely. She scowled at me.
Well okay, then! It looks like someone needs a little more time in SC. We have these bottles of Southern hospitality. Hers must have gotten lost with the luggage.
Then my suitcase weighed in at a whopping 59 pounds, costing me 125 bucks. Who knew that they had weight limits on these things? The Biggest Loser needs to tape a show on airport luggage. Good Heavens. But at that point I would have ridden inside the suitcase just to ensure my arrival in Phoenix that evening. SHEESH! I just wanted my own car. I could leave whenever I wanted with no packing restrictions or unnecessary frustration. In theory, anyway.
My mother and I bid goodbye while I entered security, where I was also forced to part with my brand new tube of toothpaste, as it evidently posed a threat to society.
You know what they say about anti cavity weapons of
I finally had about an hour to spare before departure, so I stopped in a store right next to my gate and was somehow hosed into buying FOUR books. I already had overweight luggage, and yet I was saddling myself with more things. I'll never learn. But Still Alice was a GREAT read!
At approximately 12:00 PM I boarded my flight. That plane must have had fifty rows and was more narrow than your average phone booth. I made it all the way back to my seat (two rows from the propellers) when I decided that I needed to go to the bathroom. I stood up and made my way up front, awkwardly maneuvering by at least 38 grumbling people. I finally made it to the flight attendant and asked her where the bathroom was.
AT THE BACK OF THE PLANE. You've really got to be kidding me. How-? What-? Just, good grief.
I avoided eye contact with everyone on my third journey down the aisle of the plane that had yet to even take off.
Fortunately the remainder of the flight was fine, and we arrived in Dallas exactly on schedule. I finally ate a meal and waited at the wrong gate, which I thankfully realized before takeoff. The Phoenix flight was miraculously right on schedule, too, and as instructed, I immediately called my hotel for transportation upon my arrival on Arizona soil.
"Umm, ma'am, do you have your luggage yet?"
Oh yeah...that 59 pound bag of mine. How could I forget?
I made small talk with some people while we were waiting on our suitcases. That's when I saw mine struggling to make it around the bend. I asked a man standing by to help me lift it off the conveyor, and I noticed an orange tag on it that hadn't been there before.
"Heavy. Bend your knees."
That's about right. I WOULD pack so much stuff that I'd actually have a warning label on my suitcase. I called the hotel back and was informed that the shuttle wasn't available, so they'd be sending someone else to pick me up.
I waited outside for my transportation when a black Escalade drove up...with no label or special signage. Ummm...was I going in there alone? Then I saw another girl putting her things in the trunk. "Are you here for Grand Canyon University?" I asked.
"YES!!!"
"YAYYYY!!!!! MY FIRST FRIEND!!!!"
Her name is Meka, and she is awesome. We have been pretty inseparable!
The next morning we got to meet the rest of our crew...representatives from all OVER the country: California, Colorado, Texas, Illinois, New York, Indiana, Georgia...and then ME proudly representing SOUTH CAROLINA!
That day we went to the GCU campus for the first time. I LOVED IT!!! I was so ecstatic and happy to be there that I was going around saying, "I LIKE THESE CHAIRS! I LIKE THIS CARPET! THESE TOILETS EVEN FLUSH NICELY!" I was completely enamored with anything that remotely had to do with this job.
The President and CEO of the University, Brian Mueller, came to speak to us for over an hour. He is one of the most passionate and brilliant businessmen I've ever met. In my humble opinion he needs to run for president of the United States in 2016, and when several reps and I ran into him at the basketball game, I informed him that he already had my vote. He laughed.
And the University Pastor/Dean PRAYED over all the new hires and our new positions. Was this real life?!?
The things GCU is doing to create jobs and unite the community, state of Arizona, and beyond are astounding. The Lord is doing mighty things through this University.
Each day has been filled with training for eight hours, but the trainers are so engaging and funny- and actually stick to the schedule- that even I am able to give my undivided attention.
I actually told one of the head guys that he could discuss molecules and chemical compositions, and I'd still be able to pay attention. They're that good.
The first week was filled with eating out every night, TONS of laughs, and other events. Here is our team after having just completed week one of training. We are quite possibly the most hilarious group in the history of all trainings.
Do you know how much this picture means to me? I prayed for everyone on my team before meeting them. We are from all over the United States, and the Lord saw fit to unite each of us and align all of our life experiences to this point so that we would be together in this season. God gave me a face for each person I prayed for before arriving. Now that's a blessing. And not a coincidence.
Last weekend we were all in town and partook in various Arizona activities...like finding our first cactus!
And visiting the local candy store. (I'm affectionately known as "Sugar Rush" in class.)
On Saturday morning a 4.2 earthquake hit the Richter scale.
AKA, I busted my butt on the sidewalk after going to the ATM. I have the grass stain medal of honor to prove it.
That night we enjoyed an EPIC basketball game against Seattle. I have never in my life seen such a production and such energy for a basketball game. GCU does it BIG!!!
The team entrance alone was like something out of the VMAs.
And the halftime entertainment featured three brothers from "FlippenOut" that hold a world record for a human catapult off of a trampoline. They bounced this guy like 30+ feet in the air!
I suggested to my friends that we try the catapult on our hotel furniture, but somehow no one else thought that was a good idea.
On Sunday afternoon we enjoyed a movie, only I was about to find out that this, too, would be a new experience. I bought a ticket, and the guy in the ticket booth turned his computer screen around and said, "All green sections are available." Huh??? You actually pick your seat? What was this- an airplane? I had already put my hand up to the glass and tried to select my seat when I realized that I was touching the WINDOW and not the guy's screen. Moron.
Every. single. seat. in the theater was an oversized reclining, leather, electric chair. Now I could get used to this!!!
That evening our whole team (with the exception of yours truly) was freaking out with excitement about going to some place called "Hot and Juicy" - a crawfish place. My last encounter with a crawfish was on a dissecting tray in 10th grade, but I agreed to go only because they had chicken on the menu.
Upon our arrival we were all given gloves and more plastic protective wear than your average Anthrax suit. I put my arms through the holes until I was politely informed that it was, in fact, a bib and not a turtleneck.
My inquiry of "where are our plates and silverware?" was met with laughter. The TABLE is the plate, and the silverware? You were born with it.
They're called your hands. I was appalled.
Seeing Queen Elizabeth eating at this place is going on my bucket list.
"Crawfish?!? BAH! More tea and crumpets, please."
I decided to order a basket of fish and "corn fritters" that I was promised were like hushpuppies. I broke into the first one to find a soupy, clam chowder like substance; not bread. YUCK!!!! In the mean time my fellow teammates had bags of brutally murdered fish of all shapes and sizes arriving in these massive bags full of sauce. It was absolutely horrifying.
Not even the regular, plan fried catfish I ordered was pleasant. Looking at those lifeless shrimp and crawfish staring at me in an executed pile did nothing for my appetite, either. Each one of their beady little eyes told a story with a treacherous, tragic ending.
Then- a ray of hope- the waitress asked if anyone wanted crackers. "Sure!" I said. At least now I could eat something.
Then she shows up with THESE!?!?!?!
So for future reference, if you ask for "crackers" at a seafood restaurant, they may just be referring to a TOOL and not Saltines.
It was quite possibly the worst meal I've had in my entire life, and that's saying a lot. I ate next to nothing as everyone else at the table ripped the heads and tails off of these creatures like they were shucking corn. No offense to this establishment, as everyone has their cup of tea (insert another Queen Elizabeth joke here), but so help me as long as I live I will never, ever, eat another meal at Hot & Juicy. As a matter of fact just walking by the place again would give me the creeps, er...crawls?!?
NOPE, NOPE, NOPE!
We have to itemize all of our dinner receipts in order to get reimbursed, and just when I thought I was through with this place we sat there for an extra fifteen minutes while the cashier tried unsuccessfully to split our check eight ways. One guy ended up paying in full, and we all paid him cash back, so he made copies of the receipt and handed it out to us the next day in class.
Mind you, we had been reviewing student transcripts that day, and he handed me the receipt completely out of context. I said, "Crawfish?!!? What kind of class is THAT!?!" I truly can't get away.
However, I did find a new, absolute favorite place:
Oh, Lucille's BBQ. It's MMMMMMM, MMMMMMM, GOOODDDDDY, GOOOODDDDDD!!!!
If you've never seen this lady sing about Campbell's soup in church, you are sincerely missing out. I cannot be held responsible for any guts split or pants wet as a result of this video.
All the good friends I've made, all the laughs, the days of class that flew by and seemed long at the same time, the airport navigation, and just everything reminded me of one major fact: I hadn't seen my family in ELEVEN DAYS!!!
On Friday at midnight I arrived at the SC airport, and on Saturday morning, my sweet baby girl and I were reunited!!! However, I still have one more week away.
During my 36 hours at home this weekend it was of course action packed. We enjoyed visiting with these ladies at Daniela's baby shower. We can't wait to meet sweet Anna Michelle in just 2-3 weeks!
And Emerson enjoyed playing with sweet Kennedy, who is also in her class at daycare!
Last night we celebrated the spring Birthdays in our family.
THIS GUY...
He has been INCREDIBLE with Emerson and running a Daddy Daycare (with one customer) while I was away. He. LOVES. his little girl.
I should come up with some ways to thank him:
like cleaning and waxing his truck (ladder needed)...
or buying a massage chair from Brookstone...
But I will never under any circumstances thank him with a crawfish meal.
Just in case there was any confusion.
